this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2026
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Last month, federal officials allegedly deported one of the suspects in a massive 2022 jewelry heist in Southern California where thieves made off with $100 million in merchandise, in what prosecutors have called the largest jewelry heist in U.S. history.

Jeson Nelon Presilla Flores was sent to Ecuador on or about December 29, according to court documents obtained by The Los Angeles Times. He was believed to be linked to a raid on a Brinks truck that netted a fortune in stolen jewels, gold and watches.

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[–] Furbag@lemmy.world 32 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Step 1. Commit ~~crime~~ act of civil service, Luigi-style.

Step 2. Submit yourself to ICE using a false identity for voluntary deportation.

Step 3. Allow the U.S. government to smuggle you out of the country where they no longer have jurisdiction to prosecute you.

Step 4. Laugh as the crypto-fascists get up on stage and boast about how tough on crime they are.

edit: formatting because phones are stupid.

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 days ago

Well, step 3 depends a lot on Trump's degenerating mind.

[–] TheObviousSolution@lemmy.ca 33 points 6 days ago (4 children)

ICE probably thinks it did its job because the people in it are incapable of thinking that people can have a comfortable life outside of the US, never mind a better one. So basically, they literally helped an immigrant steal $100 million from the US and make away with it because they had an accent and the wrong skin color - which opens up the possibility of just acting like a bad caricature of an immigrant to get free deportations after criminals carry out their crimes.

You get fast-tracked from whatever consequences you would have had to just getting deported, and you didn't even have to bribe Trump with 2 million dollars. Thanks, ICE!

[–] urandom@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

Nah, ICE will deport innocent people only going forward. The criminals stay in the US!

[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

There's no guarantee he got to keep the money. It could be in a safe buried in America and he has no easy way to get to it again.

[–] Lucelu2@lemmy.zip 1 points 5 days ago

He could have shipped it internationally ahead of time.

[–] Zoot@reddthat.com 2 points 6 days ago

You think that would work? Volunteer for a self deportation even if you're technically a US citizen? Asking for reasons unrelated to me

[–] Jerb322@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

I hope he swallowed some of them diamonds!

[–] NauticalNoodle@lemmy.ml 25 points 6 days ago

Lately I've heard a lot of officials say somethimg along the lines "if they come here and start causing problems, we're gonna deport them." but I never hear them say whether or not the problem-causing immigrants are facing justice. prior to being deported.

I'm happy for the dude and wish him well

[–] ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online 15 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Holy fuck! 100 million smackers? That's like what Jeff Bozos makes in a gnats's coffee break. But still...

I hope he fucking kept all of it and posts pictures of him smoking cigars and snorting blow off a hooker's boobs while having Batman and Robin playing in the background with Arnie's depiction of Mr. Freeze saying 'Iced to meet you!'

[–] Lucelu2@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 days ago

He will be on a beach somewhere, in some lovely resort... or on a yacht in the bay that he purchased with his ill-gotten gains.

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Is that the current version of the American dream?

[–] ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 2 points 4 days ago

Oh. Oh, suddenly everything makes sense.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Gotta fill the quota. Dude probably traded it for bitcoin and can now live large

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 9 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Bitcoin is a transparent ledger. It would be better to trade it for USD, which is main currency for laundering illegal funds, and the currency used by both the US and EC

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 5 points 6 days ago

Yes, a privacy coin makes more sense. But it's not used to launder much money, compared to USD.

The amount of monero that's used to launder is negligible compared to dollars.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

As long as he has the key for the wallet there's little hope for anyone else accessing the crypto. Its less about the tracking here and more about moving it outside the reach of authorities

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

The US has collaborated with many countries to arrest people who have illicit funds in crypto.

Ecuador's Noboa bends at the knee for Trump. He's a US citizen.

There is no "out of reach" for illicit bitcoin, since it's a transparent blockchain that is being monitored by millions of people, including governments, LE, and private sector.

[–] onehundredsixtynine@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

since it’s a transparent blockchain that is being monitored by millions of people

Cryptocurrency tumblers exist for a reason. Though I agree that using Monero (or just keepig this money as it is) for such purposes would be better.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 1 points 6 days ago

And companies that sell services to the government that break tumblers exist for a reason. It's secret sauce, but most likely the change address and other cleverness.

You can't launder things if your a whale on bitcoin. It doesn't work.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

I'm talking about non extradition countries

[–] NorthoftheBorder@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 days ago

Incompetence and cruelty are the hallmarks of this administration.

[–] maid@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 6 days ago
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