Step 1. Commit ~~crime~~ act of civil service, Luigi-style.
Step 2. Submit yourself to ICE using a false identity for voluntary deportation.
Step 3. Allow the U.S. government to smuggle you out of the country where they no longer have jurisdiction to prosecute you.
Step 4. Laugh as the crypto-fascists get up on stage and boast about how tough on crime they are.
edit: formatting because phones are stupid.