this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2026
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As Kurt Vonnegut wrote in his poem “Joe Heller”:
True story, Word of Honor:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel ‘Catch-22’
has earned in its entire history?”
And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”
And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”
And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”
Not bad! Rest in peace!

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 points 18 minutes ago* (last edited 16 minutes ago)

I get it. All that money, and he still has to pay women to be surrogates to breed his organ donor offspring. They certainly won't have sex with him under any circumstances, no matter how much money he throws around.

Not that it matters, because even if he could get a woman to put down her 10 foot pole and consider actual coitus, he couldn't perform anyway, reportedly due to his wang won't work due to botched enlargement surgery.

You just know he is funding cutting edge research into penis transplant surgery in some weird lab somewhere. Watching a lot of porn, probably got his eye on a couple of candidates right now.

Don't you feel sorry for him?

[–] Herr_S_aus_H@lemmy.zip 0 points 2 minutes ago

The Apartheid-Pedo shall eat shit.

[–] AshMan85@lemmy.world 5 points 42 minutes ago

Fuck that pedo

[–] basketugly@lemmy.world 2 points 24 minutes ago

Take a small example, a tip from me, take all of your money give it up to charity.

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 1 points 8 minutes ago

Well if the money isn't helping you I'm sure there's many others it would WOULD help...

[–] BigDiction@lemmy.world 5 points 58 minutes ago (1 children)

All the money in the world and he just had to go fucking around in politics and then our government.

I swear people like this just do not have good real friends in their life to ground them.

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 3 points 54 minutes ago

That's Trump's problem. And Biden, Clinton, Bush (1&2), Obama, Reagan Nixon... All the way back. For the elderly, I would argue elder abuse, additionally.

[–] jontree255@lemmy.world 13 points 1 hour ago

Stay miserable you fucking Nazi loser.

[–] ToTheGraveMyLove@sh.itjust.works 45 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

This is a man who feels compelled to lie about being good at video games. He's one of the most pathetic human beings on the face of the planet.

[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 13 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

We're humans, social creatures. A lot of happiness we experience comes from human connection

There is nothing more isolating than climbing to the top on a pile of everyone you ever knew.

Money in significant quantity brings isolation

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 6 points 2 hours ago

Especially when there's plenty of ~~Russian~~ Mossad kompromat.

[–] mrmisses@lemmy.world 25 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah we know. We saw the letter rejecting his request to rape girls on Epstein Island. Maybe if he had more money? Guess we'll never know. Poor fella

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 1 points 8 minutes ago* (last edited 8 minutes ago)

Dear Elon:

I must decline your many requests, and stress that I would like you to stop contacting me. Since you have been so relentless, I will be extremely candid with you: You look like a Goblin, on a good day, and the very thought of you naked is horrifying. You will terrify the girls, who are, after all, only little kids. It's hard enough to get them to cooperate with having sex with fat old men without having you stalking around the room like a naked obese Gollum with a bad haircut.

It's a NO, and it will always be a NO. Please stop contacting me.

JE

[–] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 1 points 18 minutes ago

Money had nothing to do with that. He wasn't invited because he's an unlikable nerd. 

[–] CombatWombatEsq@lemmy.world 20 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

You know, that money isn’t making Elon happy, but it could make quite a few a people currently in credit card debt quite happy…

[–] compostgoblin@piefed.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I have some ideas about how to make them enjoy themselves less

[–] LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 1 points 1 hour ago

I have some ideas about how to make them enjoy themselves more.

[–] alekwithak@lemmy.world 12 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (2 children)

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin'
Always complainin'

[–] X@piefed.world 1 points 19 minutes ago* (last edited 5 minutes ago)

If money is such a problem
Well, they got mansions, think we should rob them

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Robin Leach strangled a young lady

[–] Klox@lemmy.world 6 points 2 hours ago

So there's no arguments from him that he'll be made unhappy if we take it all from him. Maybe we can make him more unhappy, which I'm willing to live with.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 hours ago

That's right Elon and you will NEVER be happy because you are trash. You should be like Hitler in 1945.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 4 points 2 hours ago

law of diminishing returns apply, better split 1 happiness into 10 million happiness, more bang for the buck

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 6 points 3 hours ago

Hmmm, I think I should get some lunch.