this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2026
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[–] moobythegoldensock@infosec.pub 2 points 5 hours ago

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits. In thy mercy.

And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats...

[–] wuffah@lemmy.world 52 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (3 children)

Could we get Jesus on CNN to tell us the plan? Because no one else seems to have one.

If the plan is Armageddon, why not just launch all the nukes instead of spending all that money on intercontinental B-2 raids?

Is bombing cafes and elementary schools part of Jesus’ plan? Did he finally get over all that faggy do unto others bullshit?

Was Jesus flying those three F15s that got shot down by friendly AA?

Does Gods Divine Plan include the whole weird part where Trump rapes everything under age 18 that moves?

Isn’t it kind of weird that the Secretary of Defense forms his theater-wide strategic disposition by personally communing with Jesus?

IS THAT WEIRD? THAT SEEMS KIND OF SUPER FUCKING WEIRD TO ME

[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 7 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

instead of spending all that money on intercontinental B-2 raid

There's a good reason for that. For the prophecy to be fulfilled Israel needs to control a specific territory. And some other conditions I think, I don't remember the details.

Otherwise you just destroy the world without triggering Armageddon.

[–] HasturInYellow@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago

The rituals must be meticulously adhered to or the magic words don't work right.

[–] b_tr3e@feddit.org 7 points 15 hours ago

Hm. I don't know that "god", but he sure has weird friends.

[–] Arcanepotato@crazypeople.online 20 points 15 hours ago

Alternative headline: People who join a death cult surprised to learn it is a death cult

[–] rocci@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

I'm not religious or at this point a pacifist, but thou shall not kill is literally a commandment

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 12 hours ago

And yet the Israelites committed several genocides in Yahweh's name in the Old Testament

[–] Tapirs_Are_AI_Slop@lemmy.org 2 points 11 hours ago

Not that I disagree with your sentiment or position, but I think in the original language there was a different word for killing those in your own group vs those in another. It's more like thou shall not commit murder (an illegal killing of those also in your nation). Because old testament God demanded a lot of killing of other people. And punished people who didn't follow through.

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 4 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah but it's only like the 4th or 5th, because religious people are really smart.

[–] trublu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 14 hours ago

And it comes with contradictory commands to commit genocide, so, you know, it doesn't seem like the guy was all that serious about it. Just another narcissist who wants what he wants, wants it right now, and won't tolerate any resistance or rationalizing.

[–] 20cello@lemmy.world 12 points 15 hours ago

American politicians swear on a fairy tales book,what would you expect