this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
235 points (97.2% liked)

Not The Onion

20868 readers
2198 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 31 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] stoly@lemmy.world 1 points 17 minutes ago

That is, basically, how the MBA class operates. Everything comes down to what they can do to exploit a situation.

[–] DougPiranha42@lemmy.world 12 points 2 hours ago (2 children)

I don’t think OP knows what literally means. The wsj did not ask the question in the title. It asked a different question.

[–] stoly@lemmy.world 1 points 16 minutes ago* (last edited 16 minutes ago)

In English, the plural "there are" is collapsing into the singular "there's" such as "there's five cars over there". A lot of language changes happen this way. It annoys people who think about language.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Oh I’m with you, but I stopped fighting for the word “literally” when the damn dictionaries gave up and added shit like this:

2 informal in effect VIRTUALLY  —used in an exaggerated way to emphasize a statement or description that is not literally true or possible

I literally died of embarrassment.

… will literally turn the world upside down to combat cruelty or inju

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 9 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

This is why my Dad thinks climate change is hysteria. WSJ ran an article (basically) positing that geoengineering will fix it anyway, and it’s best to pump the economy (with oil) to get there.

…Which I was particularly hurt by.

I've been reading geoengineering papers for a decade+, and the most practical theoretical ones boil down to desperate plans like “bathe the South Pole in sulfuric acid rain” that are still so heinously expensive it’s basically sci fi. And that’s assuming “tipping points” don’t materialize. Gah.

[–] chaogomu@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

There's also the, cause massive algae blooms in-between shipping lanes to try to soak up lots of carbon.

The method is by dumping millions of tons of iron ore dust into the open ocean.

One guy tested it, and it did cause an algae bloom. He didn't do smaller scale tests, just dumped a ton or so of iron ore dust into the ocean.

[–] AresUII@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

Usernames to mistake for communities

[–] hellfire103@lemmy.ca 31 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Anafabula@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

It's very unlikely that a galaxy collision would meaningfully affect anything for us except our view of the night sky (over millions of years).

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

Well over the course of the collision, the solar system could get ejected from the galaxy. But also the collision is predicted to occur nearly 10 billion years from now so the sun would have already consumed Earth. Overall, probably a bad thing for the economy

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 hours ago

It depends whether we're observing, involved, or committed. (A la TV viewer, TV chef, chicken)

[–] Vupware@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Vupware@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Vupware@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 hours ago

They have the most disgusting reporting. It arrives at my office, and sometimes when I want to punish myself or know my enemy I’ll crack it open.

[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 18 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (2 children)

So using this logic 9-11-2001 was ultimately good for the economy

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

It’s been commonly held for a long time that the deficit spending and industrial gear up for World War 2 are what finally shook the US out of the Great Depression, which has created a deeply-seated association between war and economic stimulation. It’s worth revisiting that question for today’s extremely different conflicts and economy. It may not be true anymore, and if not, that seems worth knowing.

Similarly, there’s a long history of warfare driving technological innovation. I think this one is even less controversial. It’s just a fact. But pointing that out doesn’t mean I’m recommending we go to war for the sake of innovation.

[–] Gsus4@mander.xyz 10 points 5 hours ago

Sounds like it, they seem to think that the hate that motivates people to work harder for no extra pay out of revenge against the current boogeyman is a good way to extract more from "the cattle".

So wait... If Hell is good for the economy... That must mean the economy...

Keep going! You're so close!

[–] SaltSong@startrek.website 10 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Rule 34 applies.

No, not that one. Rule of acquisition #34.

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 3 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

"Peace is good for business"?

[–] SaltSong@startrek.website 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)
[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 1 points 1 hour ago

Oh, what's 34?

[–] Zorque@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

They must have meant #35

[–] CubitOom@infosec.pub 2 points 3 hours ago
[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 3 points 4 hours ago

literally asked

It's a newspaper: how else are they gonna ask?

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 5 points 5 hours ago

We're all just a number on a spreadsheet to them. A unit of input labor, a liability, etc. You shove this number of laborers in one side, and you get this amount of profit out the other side.

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 7 points 5 hours ago
[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 9 points 6 hours ago

The DOW, the DOW right now...

[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago

and yet its sooo wrong to shoot pharma CEOs

[–] Aatube@thriv.social 2 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

March 14 – 15

today

this is ticking off my "bot repost!!" heuristics...

[–] massive_bereavement@fedia.io 2 points 5 hours ago

At the end of the day, we have to consider that the orphan crushing machine also generates jobs.