Ask Lemmy

Turned alcoholic

Edit: not even kidding, shit fixed my awkwardness.

In 10th grade, my best friend moved away and I realized I had very few friends left. I had spent middle school considering myself part of the “social outcast” group that didn’t really fit into any of the cliques. What I did was find the lunch table that other students I shared classes with and sat there listening to them talk. Sometimes all the seats were full and I sat at a different table, but eventually as I got to understand the people and dynamics at play I started chiming in a little more until eventually I was part of the friend group.

From there I felt more comfortable talking to more people, so I did until eventually in senior year there were folks saying hi to me while walking down the hall pretty frequently, I knew most people in my graduating class of 350 to some degree, and for some reason I was voted prom king.

I had the benefit of being in the same school district from grades 1-12 so I had had most of my life to that point to learn names, but my core advice remains the same. I became less awkward (or at least good enough at owning being awkward to not matter) by befriending new people, and I befriended new people by inserting myself into a friend group over time, and I did that by just being present and quiet until I felt comfortable enough to speak up more.

I developed a secondary extrovert personality and used it in social occasions. Used it enough that it comes naturally now.

I copied a lot of behavior from other people, how to trigger the right dialogue tree, etc.

Unironically, season 1 of Dexter was a big help in jumpstarting it. Bringing baked goods is still my #1 strategy of getting on someone's good side, especially at work haha

I read some of the stoics and then did a shit tonne of therapy.

Find equally awkward friends.

I had someone tell it to me straight - that the reason I was getting side-eyes and laughter behind my back and why girls wanted nothing to do with me was because I was an awkward dweeb.

At first it kind of hurt my feelings, but it kind of woke me up to the reality of the situation and I began to not only notice how other people saw me, but I started examining myself and my own actions in a more critical light.

Most of the time it was me behaving inappropriately in the given situation. Everyone else walking to their next class? There's me Naruto running down the hall. You get the idea.

I had to learn to identify the behaviors that people were critical of or found off-putting, and learn the appropriate behavior to emulate. Eventually, after I learned the correct response to any particular social situation, it was less about knowledge and more about confidence. I was lucky to make some well-adjusted and confident friends in high school who helped me learn what it was all about. I didn't fret about talking to random people anymore, I could carry on a normal conversation for at least five minutes, I developed "normal" hobbies and interests (but crucially I kept my old ones as well, they were just not the first things I would lead with when talking to people), and in general I just mellowed out a little and developed the skill to be able to read a room and know how to deal with certain people.

tl;dr - someone talked to me and told me I was an awkward kid, but they also did their best to help me identify and fix the things that made me weird and unlikable.

Fake it till you make it. I realized everyone is very busy thinking of how they come across, so likely what I worry about isn't that important anyways.

I didn't. I'm still awkward. But that hasn't stopped me from living my life.

Got drunk and made a fool of myself a lot, but learned from mistakes.

I stopped being an awkward teen by simply getting older and becoming an awkward adult.

You get older and stop caring all the time what people think and it starts to get easier.

I became an alcoholic. Stopped worrying so much because I was drunk all the time. Built a reputation for being relaxed and confident. Started going to parties and clubs. Built up real confidence. Stopped drinking so much.

Can’t say I would recommend my path, but I’m happy where I am.

Get a job where you deal with the public.

You'll get paid and you will learn quickly.

I've gone up and down throughout my life, and these days I am quite an awkward individual in person.

However, what worked for me in my early 20s when I was probably at my most sociable was finding a hobby to interact with people in. Even something as simple as a monthly book group can work wonders on your social skills

I was at a party with my parents one day celebrating our national day. I decided right there that I was going to talk to someone and I started up a conversation with an old gentleman which I was able to carry for a good long time. From then on, every time I was at a social event with people I didn't know, I talked to at least one person.

Then when I was able to drink, I'd stop in at a bar and strike up conversation with random people. Alcohol helped a lot.

I read a book about autism

I learned how not to be awkward with experience. I paid attention to what people thought was awkward, got a feel for it, generalized, and tried to avoid it. It's all practice.

By becoming an awkward adult

I had an autism diagnosis. I found a friend with even more autism through school. Thats kinda it

fake it till you make it, eventually my joking 'girlboss' attitude just turned into having some confidence. also I'm a girl now

Different settings, jobs, locations.

Also, and this will be very unpopular, but beer really helped. Not at work or during the day (thankfully), but alcohol unlocked me socially and improved my confidence as I met more and more people while I traveled. Not that I'm recommending teens do this, and it's probably illegal for them in the US anyway, but for me it was a fantastic social lubricant.

Have you tried boosting your confidence with some cocaine?

Sinking into depression

I did a horrible and dangerous job for 2 years while undergoing the most intensive psychotherapy that exists. It improved my social skills, developed a skillset that's rare and highly valued in my chosen field, and completely recalibrated my sense of hardship.

Covid gave a lot of time to think and lots of time to reflect...especially also finding out im Bi and then meeting the diverse ppl helped a lot

I’m still awkward.

When I first met my partner, they immediately suspected I was autistic even though I didn’t. Over time I realized they were right, and everything started to make sense.