I manage the things that cause me angst.
But here is the deal. I donβt want to work, but because of a combination of necessity and desire I have to work.
this post was submitted on 11 May 2026
44 points (95.8% liked)
Asklemmy
54273 readers
526 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 7 years ago
MODERATORS
The US oligarchs are not suffering enough.
My wife of 30 years died a few months ago and I'm having to adjust to life without her.
Life is freakin weird now .... I feel like some kind of ghost that doesn't exist ... I feel like a big part of my life died with her and at the same time I feel like I'm alive but not fully .... I'm alive but not fully ... I feel like part of me disappeared but I didn't die ... quite honestly, sometimes I feel like a ghost that didn't fully cross over and I'm stuck in this life until I can move on.
I have a ton of supports, family and friends, work and things to do and I keep very busy with stuff ... but all of it just doesn't mean much to me any more.
And family and friends keep telling me I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever I want ... but you know what? ... life is no longer enjoyable when you don't have the person you want to share everything with. I had so many plans and things I really, really wanted to do ... but now it's all meaningless and pointless ... I have no real enjoyment for many things any more. Even turning on the TV to watch something, anything no longer really thrills me and I watch something for a few minutes, my mind wanders and I have to go do something else. I go online and it's the same thing, I read part of something and I have to move on to the next thing ... I play video games and I can't concentrate on it for too long.
About the only thing left to me now is riding my motorcycle but I can't even do that because the weather is still too cold here in northern Ontario ... so I can't even enjoy that.
And in the meantime, I have to watch the world burn .... life is just very strange for me at the moment.
Like life has lost all it's color? Everything is now in grayscale?
Iβm sorry for your loss.
I would feel the same way if I lost my wife.
I'm transgender and live in the UK, so no
its alright, no major problems maybe could be better in some ways but could be a lot worse
Well my life has been in constant turmoil since November. I broke up with my girlfriend of six years, moved out of our shared apartment into a flatshare in a mouldy shithole, got the majority of my friends to hate me from how I acted towards my ex, and now my kidneys have failed and I have been undergoing dialysis for nearly 2 months. This has caused me to be depressed, anxious all the time, and just plain lonely. Every day right now feels like a fight for survival. From high blood pressure giving me intense headaches, to fluid overload causing swelling everywhere and coughing from fluid in my lungs. Things just havenβt been going well for me. I also had to postpone my masterβs thesis to next year.
I still need to figure out what to do with that shared apartment, how to survive until the end of summer which is when Iβll hopefully have my transplant, and how to make friends again now that Iβm an adult.
Honestly if it wasnβt for my current girlfriend and my parents I donβt think Iβd survive this, and I often feel like all this is my fault. It has also only recently hit me that yes, I am struggling, and things have been difficult, even if I never had to worry about things like money or having a roof over my head. I just wish for some rest.
Home life is great. I love my kids and my partner and they're all amazing.
but I'm currently taken out of this feeling by stress and anxiety about work. To the point that my partner is concerned about my health. it's really not good.
Sometimes being lonely hits like a truck. But it passes like grief thatβs a few years old. Everything else is okayish. Have overcome the major life hurdles. Canβt complain.
I agree loneliness is killing me but everything else is keeping me alive like work & the money that comes from working even though work is torture, I'm in so much pain, but if I keep doing everything right, my reward is indulging in my exhilarating hobbies.
Epsom salts! β¦j/k :p
It's not perfect, but I've got quite a few of the things I wanted to have when I was imagining the future back then.
I've got a partner that I trust and love, I do the job that I wanted to be doing, albeit not the perfect company or the most satisfying position, I'm still in touch with the friends I wanted to keep (and happily not in touch with some of the rest), I'm no longer living with my parents and have two cats that are the perfect little creatures for company.
Some things could be better, many of them completely out of my control. My current goal is to just make my lifestyle healthier, I'm too sleepy all the time because of staying late trying to regain the time lost doing the boring adult things, and I get exhausted and out of breath extremely easily.
Yes.
Except of course for the world falling apart, my country descending into fascism and impending climate diaster.
But for me personally, things are entirely chill.
I kinda broke into laughter when reading your question, at the absurdity of the idea. So that's probably a no.
However, I'm doing better than I have been for a while, and am capable of laughter, so it's not all bad.
However... capable of laughter
Proud of the strength of your optimism my king
Not perfectly, but I had a vision for where I wanted to be, and I more or less got there. I chose a reasonable short-term, stepping stone goal. I didn't become brilliant, attractive, competent, or overcome my flaws. But like, I'm still here, and my life has marginally improved.
I might be sleeping in my car in six weeks time. What could be wrong
Hey it's not so bad π I kid you not, I've been living in my car for SIX YEARS. It's a lifestyle choice. No rent, no mortgage, no utilities, no property taxes, no HOA, and you can live wherever you want! π It's friggin' awesome.
It's illegal to sleep in a car where I live. Also I have a job in retail so I need to shower regularly. I don't want to think how I'll manage my period or just toilet in general, I hate shitting in public toilets. I have a small car, not a van, and I'm not looking forward to switching to one. But thanks for the positive outlook
Understandable. This lifestyle isn't for everyone. But it's absolutely criminal how extortionate the housing industry is, vs how low jobs pay. I don't know every detail of your situation, and you're under no obligation to explain it here because certainly it must be overwhelming for you right now, and I'm sending you powerful positive energy and boy do I sure know that when we go through hellfire, if we survive it, we come out stronger like refiner's fire making metal harder.
I just want to comment on regular showers: 24-hour gym membership! I'm a massage therapist and oh yeah I need to be clean 24/7 tooβ¨π And we have showers at my place of employment too but I feel weird showering there so I've only done it once or twice. And yeah I confess I am doing this lifestyle in a tall comfy van. Would be less comfortable in an actual little car. ππΌ
But my paychecks are all for me, no way I could have saved up all this money if I had to pay landlords every month.
I am so in love with this freedom lifestyle.
Yes it's illegal to sleep in a vehicle where I am too, but there are so many homeless people around here, law enforcement focuses on the ones actually sleeping outside on the sidewalks & beaches & in tents. Law enforcement does not bother us in vehicles at all unless belligerent, making messes, or staying parked in one place for too long. I've never had a problem.
Anyway I know you have no desire to live in a vehicle, most people would consider it a hardship, so pardon my tangent but this topic excites me π€
Ideally I would have a house AND this van but as most of us know we can't always have everything we want, which probably the slight discomfort I always feel is a reason I thought of this post topic.
I get it and don't get me wrong, I've considered it as a temporary solution. But I don't think I could last for too long
Well it WAS until you brought it up! >:(
First ignoring everything outside my direct control.
Still no, but I know what I want in my personal life and I see the path to get there. If the world doesn't fall into chaos first. It'll just take time, but what better use of my youth? If the past few years have taught me anything, it's that trying to get there too fast will wreck my mind and body.
I think a lot of it now comes down to having a 'Platonic ideal' for myself and not living up to it. Like strictly an internal matter, I'm fine with other people seeing me the way I am. Even if I lived in a secluded bunker, I'd still be bothered that my eating and sleeping habits suck, my time management needs work, my athleticism is lacking, I never finished learning German, and my screen usage is ruining my back and eyes.
Actually, that would be kind of nice. I'd like to think that if I could be minimally- or un-employed but still well-housed and well-fed for a year, I could finally take a breath and go fix everything that's been nagging at me.
β everything the way I want it
β
comfortable
β
no angst
π€·ββοΈ no nagging feeling
π€·ββοΈ sure how to achieve goals
World isn't black or white. Both of your alternatives are extremes I don't think in.
Next to nothing is the way I want it to be, since I'm a perfectionist. But I don't have a nagging feeling or angst, I just accept the world isn't perfect most of the time.
This is largely how I feel, but I'm not a perfectionist, by any means. I used to be; my mental health vastly improved once I realized that people I can't control are inevitably going to make life worse for everyone, until the larger public develops the will to make the necessary sacrifices to rein it in, and it's looking less and less likely to happen during my lifetime; and that my personal best may be better or worse yesterday and tomorrow than it is today, due to a plethora of variables, some within my control, most outside of my control. I just try to be my best today, and let any competition be mostly with myself.
No. Next question.
Me too π’ So the next question is, if your life was exactly the way you wish it would be, what are all the things that would be in it that are missing now?
I'll go first π’
I wish to fall in love with a man and we could live in a house on the California coast, but first I wish I had a personality that could attract a man like that. Because my personality has always been π΅βπ« and I get panic attacks whenever someone talks to me. It's a crippling problem and I need to figure this out.
I'm perpetually tired and stuck in a loop. Full time job, and carer for a disabled parent.
It's not easy, I do get frustrated, but I would not change it because it would make things worse for mum.
Are you registered through the government as a carer so you get paid for that hard work & sacrifice?
There is always something I want that I dont have. I dont focus on it anymore outside of having goals. I focus more on the plan and executing and living in the moment and its helped my mental health tremendously.
Having said that, im very fortunate to have all that I have, so its pretty easy for me to focus on the positives
Iβm only aware of a lot of what I find distressing because of my superpowers. I can know what's happening everywhere in the world within minutes of it happening. Somebody I will never, ever meet in person can say something mean about me and put a shadow on my mood, if I choose to pay attention to it.
My day-to-day is idyllic. Modest, urban, a bit ecclectic... but comfy, by American standards. Food, shelter, medicine, recreation, community, art, adventure, mobility, and friendship are all in adequate supply. Iβm employed and paid fairly. Accepted by friends and family, valued by my colleagues. If my sphere of awareness and sphere of routine travel were the same, I would think myself a prince.
But my sphere of awareness is vast. So, I know my comfort is a byproduct of privilege, which is withheld from millions of other deserving people because⦠reasons. I know there are other parts of the world where logic and justice and tolerance are in widespread, societally upheld ascendance, and that those places are far, far away from where I live.
Immediately outside the personal bubble I labor to maintain, there's pain, violence, fear, hunger, and hatred. One misstep on my part and I could find myself there as well. I know that fear is wielded as a tool by people who live in fortresses made of money, by people who claim to represent the ideals of my nation, but only care that they are the winner and everybody else is the loser.
So yes, there are many nagging feelings. I wish my comfort was more than the byproduct of somebody powerful wanting something from me. Much angst, as I sit in my comfortable chair with my expensive technology, in my lovely house on a gorgeous spring day. I wish I was stupider, less aware, less experienced in the motivations of horrible people.
I'm fairly sure this isn't something human brains can do
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon
Also in Buddhism desire is a primary source of suffering.
According to Taoism, the highest wisdom lies in aligning with the Tao: the natural, spontaneous way of the universe; rather than imposing oneβs will upon it.
So life is not what I desired it to be, but I am trying to stop wanting it otherwise.
No. Things are not as I naively wished. Things never are.
But they can be their own kind of awesome, and that's okay.
Yeah no. The world sucks and life sucks with it.
Of course not lmao. I'm pretty sure I will starve to death before I reach my parents age. Or at least experience famine.
Not perfect, but its okay and I'm feeling pretty good about myself currently. Theres just a few personal things I want, and to be able to sustain myself in the future and be able to get a place.
Is everything the way I want it? No, I could stand to lose a few pounds and be a bit stronger, make more money etc.
But I am comfortable and feel no angst.
I wouldn't describe it as angst but I wouldnt say I'm satisfied with my life. The dilemma is that I also don't feel hopeful for the future. Ai (big tech generally) doesn't make me look forward to the future. And just my home country too.