No Stupid Questions

I do the same "hey man, what's up?" Because it takes my brain a second to use the search function. I know their name but I can't come up with it in time for passing chat. So "hey man" comes off as less of a dick move than just standing there staring blankly at them.

I think you're just autistic, buddy. This is not typical behavior for people that are not neurodivergent. The tell is that you get "oddly angry" when someone uses your name when they're strangers. Good luck navigating life with this one.

I don't really use names either unless I have to or I'm very familiar with people. I'm very bad with names and I'm always afraid of calling someone the wrong name so even if I know their name, I still won't call them by it because in a couple days, I may have forgotten their name and what if I'm wrong and I call someone I've known for years the wrong name?

I hate being called "sir" it sounds pretentious as fuck. Use my name, its far more personable and normal. Titles are like dress codes - completely made up theater that people play along with.

In the event of a call center scenario, it wouldn't even be hard to track down who took the call whether they remembered my name or not, so I still wouldn't care.

The only time it would be weird/annoying is if the person so constantly using my name instead of a pronoun, or if they're using a tone to imply negativity toward it.

When a customer reads my name tag in an attempt to be friendly

I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that most of us don't chose the name we have? I've met people whom simply do not "look like" their name. It feels strange to refer to them by something that feels....other. I imagine this is why some cultures allow people to move through names as their lives go on. If we were given the space to emerge as a name, one embodied and truly ours, I think this phenomenon would be lessened.

Names exist specifically so other people have something to call you. There is no point in having a name if it isn't explicitly for the purpose of being used by other people.

Yes it is weird. It is your name, what else should they call you? “Cat with the fluffy eyebrows”?

I assumed the unspoken rule is rule is that the client can give my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints.

The call center would certainly now you took the call without needing your name, but you are partially correct. You giving your name humanizes your interaction with the client so the client is less inclined to submit a complaint. Also so much of customer satisfaction with outages and issues is achieved just by having someone address the issue.

I so agree. I can't quite explain why but it feels so weird. I know my name.

I'm just bad with remembering names so I've learned to just not use them.

Same for me. I don't care about pronouns that are used for me but hearing or seeing my name used anywhere feels weird as hell. Maybe it just plays into my general dislike of being perceived.

Is your name a TrageDeliah or something?

But as someone with a Chinese Name in an English-Speaking country, I do feel very weird when someone calls my name...

They'll never get the real version of the name, only an Anglicanized version of it.

It feels weird, like it feels kinda like a name that only Chinese people are supposed to call me, having a non-Chinese say that name feels like if a teacher called you those nicknames only your family members are supposed calls you by...

I never feel weird saying someone elses name. Like wut bruh?

But yea I get it, the phone call giving their name is very weird to me... like c'mon you're supposed to be a faceless nameless person who I talk to for 10 minutes lol

Even in person customer service is still weird unless you're more long term.... like I'm a client or something... like real estate agent or car sales person

Not fucking customer service or a fastfood, dont wanna know your name and I don't like giving out mine either

Yeah, I fuckin hate it when people use my name while talking. It feels very awkward and creepy to me, especially if they use it often. I don’t wanna hear that. I know who I am.

When asked what I prefer I use the shortest version of my name and even then I almost don't want one but you know you have to have some designation I suppose.

It feels more personal to use names. I use them to remove distance between and the other person. I wouldn't like that for a sales call either, but otherwise I think it's important for building relationships.

Chiming in to say, yep, me too. One example that used to really drive me nuts was when I'd go to the gym and the person at the front desk would acknowledge me by name, even though we've never had an actual conversation or anything. It felt fake and forced and I hated it so much.

I also always felt so awkward as a kid talking about my friends' parents. Mr./Mrs. LastName usually felt weird, but it also usually felt weird to use their first names, so I'd almost always refer to them as Friend's mom/dad.

It depends on how you define weird, but this phenomenon has a name (if that gives you a clue as to how common or uncommon it might be): Alexinomia

I also not only struggle with not feeling weird when I hear my name, but I also just avoid using other people’s names to the point that people get upset with me when I am trying to tell them about things involving multiple people because I will simply never name any of them. It makes listening to me rather confusing for others, and I’m not even entirely aware I’m doing it. And I die a little bit inside whenever I’m in a situation that requires me to address someone by name.

Might be worth looking into Alexinomia for some more information if this is bothering you.

Have you asked yourself why you feel this way? Names literally exist to be used. No cultural norm I am aware of prohibits their use, other than it would be weird in limited contexts like if you called your parents by their names. But even that is not universal. A stranger using your name is not disrespectful in the least, so getting mad about that seems like a problem.

I think using people's names is an old life hack from "How to win friends and influence people". Most people respond well to it.

It's also a nice thing in a group where some people might not know or might have forgotten other people's names. Then they don't have to ask.

I don't like when people work my name into a conversation ("that's a good point, glimse!" Not "hey glimse how's it going?") because it makes me....suspicious. Like mind instantly jumps to the tactic taught to sales people to build rapport with prospective customers.

My guess is that it's a defense mechanism. I've been taken advantage of after blindly trusting someone before, now I'm predisposed to look for the signs.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I don't really love my name. I don't care enough to change it but it wouldn't have been my first pick.

Whenever somebody uses my name I immediately feel like I'm in trouble, then when I realize I'm not, I feel like they are faking intimacy by continuing to say my name and are attempting to manipulate me.

I'm also that guy that will be completely clueless that you are in to them until you grab me by the junk. So, there's that.

It may be possible that a work incident has made it so hearing your name in passing making you twitch is because it's always used in a non-positive way.

I worked at a toxic workplace and if I ever heard my name that wasn't directly at me, it was because someone was sharing drama that involved me. Or I was being mocked. Or worse, they were preparing to rip into me.

My new job, everyone is pretty positive and if I hear my name across the hall, I'm excited.

If you work in a call centre it might be the de-escalation training they gave you. I have the same issue with my name and I know it is coming from the fact that I know that people in call centres are trained to address the caller by name very often to… calm them? Establish a good relationship? I don’t know but it makes me furious if someone is doing this to me.

i feel that. i assumed it is an autistic trait ... also theres a trans thing in my life. i like my new name a lot better.

still there are situations, in which i think it's unneccesarry to say my name. especially , when you already have my attention. people pointed to 'removing distance' as a function. i usually like my distance. "hi, kluczyczka." sounds waaay to forward, as if you want to eat me. if you already have my attention, just say "hi". ...

in languages which have strong formality, i tend to use these forms a lot more than others too, this usually uses the family name , which has a nice distance to it? so "hi, ms tchncs.de" would be fine with me.

I too had a decent upbringing, but, after a bit of introspection about why I'm so wary of my own name, it came down to this:

I have two names. One is my given name and the other is "son".

My parents have always tended to use my given name in negative and neutral contexts and "son" in more positive ones. It's not intentional on their part, and I expect my father got the same, but I think it's at the root of it all.

Good upbringing or not, how many of us are still terrified of being addressed by our full name in an irate tone? I'm convinced it's related.

The only wrinkle that bothers me is when a sonless aunt once called me "son" and it made me very uncomfortable. But, I figure there are other reasons for that.

I don't mind when people say my name, but I am reluctant to use names. Even when I know the name of the person I'm talking to, I'm afraid I'll say the wrong one.

I don't think this is uncommon, but definitely varies in the level of discomfort caused.. For me using a name is a degree of familiarity. My favorite people saying my name feels great. But in general I don't like most of the social/sales "hacks" for speeding up the process of intimacy/social closeness.

"Keep my name out of your mouth"

"Dude," "bro," and "buddy," and "son" make up how I talk to everyone too.