this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] DeadDigger@lemmy.zip 2 points 22 hours ago

This is objectively transphobe

Pah, dudes give better hand jobs anyway 😎

[–] TotallyWorthLife@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago

Uhh no, I'm just jerking a tgirl off and getting jerked by a tgirl.

Not my gf, but eh, still good.

[–] Asfalttikyntaja@sopuli.xyz 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And I must admit I love that dude.

[–] MrChewy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Dude, you're supposed to hate yourself, you're the same gender as yourself, so loving that person is gay!

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 20 points 2 days ago

Thank you off-brand skeletor!

[–] MiddleAgesModem@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Wrong. My hand doubles as Jennifer Lopez. She likes tacos and burritos.

[–] bigkahuna1986@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Ben Affleck has entered the chat.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

This sounds like something a christian fundamentalist would say, to stop the youth from masturbating.

[–] popekingjoe@lemmy.world 76 points 2 days ago (2 children)

And y'know what? He's absolutely great at them, and I deeply appreciate him.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 31 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Wait, we must have the same dude!

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 29 points 2 days ago (2 children)

He's had a LOT of practice

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[–] OldQWERTYbastard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 75 points 2 days ago (32 children)

Fine. I fucked up and married an asexual woman because she was the first person to ever show me genuine affection and I royally fucked up.

Sucks to be me! No kids, at least.

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 150 points 2 days ago

I also don’t have sex with this guy’s wife

[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 37 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I’m asexual and I deserve love too! I married another asexual lady and it’s great. Neither of us have to do things we don’t want to.

[–] RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 70 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] CannonFodder@lemmy.world 42 points 2 days ago

Don't kink shame

[–] mrmisses@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago (4 children)

If it helps I didn't marry an asexual woman and I still get none.

Sucks to be me, plus a kid!

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[–] lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 days ago

Awfully cisnormative for a Pride post

[–] Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Inverse if you are a girl, everytime you masterbate you're getting fingered by a girl

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 days ago

me, a lesbian: awwwww yeah finally gettin some from a girl 😎

[–] drmoose@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago

Nah my hand just identifies as a women during it 🫑

[–] OwOarchist@pawb.social 22 points 2 days ago (4 children)

What if I'm nonbinary, tho?

[–] Gormadt@slrpnk.net 12 points 2 days ago

There's wood in them their hands!

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[–] Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 days ago

He's ugly but he's cheap.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 10 points 2 days ago

Yeah, but he's sooo good at it.

[–] pooberbee@lemmy.ml 28 points 2 days ago (4 children)
[–] WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today 24 points 2 days ago

-tto?

Yeah, kind of weird to have an LGBTQ+ pride post forget the T.

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