Asklemmy

If you have 100k in the bank you can afford to buy your own house.

What is an adult? It's a culturally-defined concept which you don't meet all the criteria for, and that's why you feel this way. There are certain markers that you don't possess. That's OK. I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, and I also don't feel "like an adult". Embrace it. Look for similarly situated people that you can admire.

I have spoken to many many elderly people that either act like petulant children or they say that inside they really don’t feel like they have a different mind than when they were children/late adolescents. The truth is you are projecting largely outdated social signifiers for adulthood onto yourself. It sounds like the real problem is that you are struggling financially and asking your parents for assistance feels infantilizing but its the exact sort of thing that gave them “adulthood” (TM)...

Sure, having kids and getting married can confirm you are an adult- but honestly, having children connected me more closely with my childhood and brought back memories from childhood I thought had disappeared. It also gave me more insight into my own parents, for better or worse. Does that make me more of an adult or more of a child? considering that when I was childless and dating people I was only concerned with other adults in my life and having fun with them- and now I am putting myself in my childrens shoes and my relationship to my parents is evolving in ways it hadn’t for decades? idk if you really wanted any advice, but I guess my advice would be to worry less about measuring your life and self worth against others, and worry more about your aspirations and your community.

Break your boy off a piece of the rapidly inflating contents of that bank account and I’ll fill you in on how to get past that feeling and reach a more whole state of being.

E: I am being %100 deadass. This post is not a joke or attempt to get “free” money. I know exactly what you’re describing and when you’re ready I’ll help you figure out why you specifically are experiencing it.

If you want a house, you have 100k in the bank and could put some of that down as a down payment. Idk where you live or what your housing market is like, but if you could find a smaller place for a reasonable price, you may pay less on a mortgage than on rent, and you'd be building equity.

When I bought my first house over a decade ago, I think it was under 100k, but wasn't large. I don't think I put anything down other than the earnest money. Because I wasn't at 20% down, I did have to pay for PMI as part of my mortgage, but it was like $50 a month given the cost of our place. I've since moved and purchased two house since then, rolling the equity from the previous to the new one. My current mortgage payment is the first time I'm paying more monthly than when I was renting, but houses do have maintenance you have can't offload on a landlord. I think it's still significantly cheaper in the long run, but moreso the equity is the biggest upgrade.

For retirement, it's definitely good to invest what you have saved, to a degree. You could talk to a financial planner to help you invest within your tolerance level. If you aren't doing so already and it's available through work, you should be maxing out your 401k match at the minimum. If you can spare it, it's better to put more in you 401k than to keep it in savings thanks to compounding interest, and the taxes that aren't taken. That annual max for 401k is I think more than 20k annually.

But with all of that, you need to live the life you want to, not the life that others are living. I love having a house and as long as I'm able to, I will never rent again, but I know people that don't want the responsibility of home ownership, that have no desires to purchase. I don't have kids because I don't want them. My wife an I travel and do pretty much what we want when we want, within reason. Kids cost a lot and we have more money because of our choices, and are both very happy with our decision. Point being, you don't have to live a "normal" life to have a fulfilling and successful life. If you are unsure on things like investing, find an expert to help out. If you want a house, you have the finances to do so. Don't compare yourself to others in different situations as some barometer of success and adulthood.

I'd say you shouldn't compare yourself to others. It's rarely a fair comparison and it doesn't help you much. It's pretty pointless - there are 20-year old who have more money and success than you. It's just how the world is, don't fret what other people have. Think about what you have and whether you feel you have enough for yourself, personally.

As for the loneliness, that sounds like a more tangible issue. There are ways to deal with loneliness, but not any super easy ways. Being afraid of being alone is a good natural instinct - it's your social human brain telling you to connect more with other people. Listen to your brain.

Newsflash - Life is unfair. Story at 5.

yes.

Having $100k stashed away is great! Check out the book "A Simple Path to Wealth" by JL Colllins for investment advice.

I'd recommend you stop comparing yourself to others and focus on what you want in life. You say you don't know if you should use your savings as a down payment for a house or not, but do you even want to own a house? Homeownership is very much a lifestyle choice. With rent, that is the maximum you will have to pay. Your mortgage is just the bare minimum. If I was single, I would not want to live in a house. I would either rent or potentially buy a condo.

You say your an individualist but are scared of being alone. What are you doing to build relationships (romantic or not) and community?

Your father shouldn't give you free money, specially if he needs it himself. Perhaps you will inherit it later.

And if he owns three houses, he worked for those. Everyone who owns their houses took a loan, then worked to pay that off eventually, over decades of work.

Its a bit weird to see that you feel like your father should sell a house and give you the money...

Your colleagues also worked and paid off their houses over years. Of course it helps to be two people since it cuts all costs in half.

I'm a year younger and the only thing in my life that I associate with "adult" is that I'm married (oh, also, I can drink lol). Otherwise I feel just as confused and lost and inexperienced as I was in my teens. Idk.

I only got a house as the monthly was below that of rent. When I was renting, I read the richest man in Babylon book. Its a bit dated advice, but I combined that with the play yourself monthly mentally. What I mean is I set aside some money each month for me to spend on anything extra. New pants, go out to movies, whatever. This money can also carryover to allow for a larger purchase, like a phone.

Anyway, don't look to others as an indicator to your life journey. Write your story and don't stress.

If you're single, you can more easily downsize your life as much as you need to in order to save money.

I'm in my 40s and not single, but if I were, I'd be minimizing rent and expenses as much as I possibly could to get more money saved and invested.

Hell, people do crazy creative things to avoid rent, like intentional vehicle dwelling, or stealth-staying in storage units due to that being way cheaper than rent. You don't necessarily have to go that extreme, but most single people have more going out than they realize they do and have some areas they can trim.