Asklemmy

You have more than enough money to put a down payment on a mortgage for a house. Do it.

Don't imagine that you should wait until you get married, get the house for yourself, because you're right, it's an important investment, and you're just throwing your money away on rent. It's surprising you haven't bought a house yet.

Yes, you sound entitled. I was embarrassed that I had to borrow the down payment for my house from my dad, I never expected him to buy me a damn house, even though he could have just done so outright. I never felt "unloved", quite the opposite. He raised me to stand on my own feet, and now that he's gone, I'm grateful to him for doing so.

Having said all that, house prices are ridiculous right now, but are starting to crash in some markets, I'd wait no more than year to see what happens. Use that time to plan, instead of whining.

Same dude.
I'm a bit younger, married have a baby and some money on my savings account. But we currently live off my wives income, pay rent and lots of it. The appartment is barely adequate but we're still stretching our means right now, because I can't keep a job. After spending a decade to get a college degree and another decade in which I only managed to be employed for less than 3 years, I don't feel like an adult who is in control of their life.

I still feel like the teenager I used to be, just with more experiences, more responsibility and less support.

Meanwhile, most of my friends are raising their families in their own houses, or those who spent time in academia to get a PhD are building one.

But to be honest, I feel like most people work on the same dynamics they learned as teenagers or young twens and are just larping being an adult.
They just do so, with a lot more self-confidence, than I can muster. I suppose it's easier to build that, when you're either raised with a lot more privilege or when you attach your self-worth to the status symbols you can afford with a solid income.

Or maybe that's just my loser's perspective, idk.

Regarding your situation: Yeah, you probably shouldve taken care of your savings a bit better. And your co-workers have the advantage of having made their investments earlier. The best time to invest is always 50 years ago or something. The second best time is always NOW!

I suggest you tackle the topic of your finances sooner than later.

The main issue is, that you have to know what the goals are, that you're investing money for. Every strategy will have to reflect that.

And you can struggle feeling like an adult a lot more comfortably, when you don't have to worry about the future so much.

Having $100k stashed away is great! Check out the book "A Simple Path to Wealth" by JL Colllins for investment advice.

I'd recommend you stop comparing yourself to others and focus on what you want in life. You say you don't know if you should use your savings as a down payment for a house or not, but do you even want to own a house? Homeownership is very much a lifestyle choice. With rent, that is the maximum you will have to pay. Your mortgage is just the bare minimum. If I was single, I would not want to live in a house. I would either rent or potentially buy a condo.

You say your an individualist but are scared of being alone. What are you doing to build relationships (romantic or not) and community?

I'm a year younger and the only thing in my life that I associate with "adult" is that I'm married (oh, also, I can drink lol). Otherwise I feel just as confused and lost and inexperienced as I was in my teens. Idk.

Your father shouldn't give you free money, specially if he needs it himself. Perhaps you will inherit it later.

And if he owns three houses, he worked for those. Everyone who owns their houses took a loan, then worked to pay that off eventually, over decades of work.

Its a bit weird to see that you feel like your father should sell a house and give you the money...

Your colleagues also worked and paid off their houses over years. Of course it helps to be two people since it cuts all costs in half.

If you're single, you can more easily downsize your life as much as you need to in order to save money.

I'm in my 40s and not single, but if I were, I'd be minimizing rent and expenses as much as I possibly could to get more money saved and invested.

Hell, people do crazy creative things to avoid rent, like intentional vehicle dwelling, or stealth-staying in storage units due to that being way cheaper than rent. You don't necessarily have to go that extreme, but most single people have more going out than they realize they do and have some areas they can trim.

I only got a house as the monthly was below that of rent. When I was renting, I read the richest man in Babylon book. Its a bit dated advice, but I combined that with the play yourself monthly mentally. What I mean is I set aside some money each month for me to spend on anything extra. New pants, go out to movies, whatever. This money can also carryover to allow for a larger purchase, like a phone.

Anyway, don't look to others as an indicator to your life journey. Write your story and don't stress.