Asklemmy

I have an internal mindscape. It's closer to a layered interactive data stream than anything else.

One of the 'nodes' on that is my speech center. Unless I block it, it tries to turn the data stream into a word stream. They then loops into the auditory 'node'. That then tries to process it the same as someone else talking to me. It lets me use all the filters and processing tools I built up as a child. It is excellent at finding holes in my ideas, the same way I would mentally pull apart what I was being told by someone else. It also lets me crystallise ideas into a form that can be passed to someone else.

I can suppress my inner monologue (unless I actively require it, e.g. for writing this message) but generally I don't. It's useful when I need to deep dive a problem. My brain can outrun my word stream, and dropping it can let me attack problems without the limitations of language caging me.

If it's not music lyrics/no lyrics music, some other thing I have on my mind that isn't something I came up with, a remix of something I have seen, or a memory and/or dream, I usually end up having fantasy conversations where it's me but using someone else's voice. Specifically because I don't currently like my voice and think I sound like a gremlin.

I have a voice that declares something as fact. Then I have a voice that is skeptical. Then I have another voice that is skeptical of the skeptic. Finally I have a voice that wants more info/evidence. I do not make it through all four voices with every thought, and the first voice fucking hates me

Mine is constantly going off all the time, like I'm preparing an argument of some sort (which usually has nothing to do with what I need to be doing) and need to process all the information I can over and over again to make sure everything lines up. If someone talks for more than 5 seconds my own internal monologue kicks in until the person stops or like 30 seconds pass and I realize it distracted me. Makes it difficult to read as well, and on bad occasions it can last for hours. The only time this doesn't happen is if I'm intensely focused on something like a self-driven programming project.

I don’t have one. Ask me anything.

Usually pretty normal but I have a problem where I look at something & start relating it to other things & then like 30 seconds later I am thinking about war crimes. It was already bad before 2023. Most vivid images I have ever "seen" & they can happen while driving. It reminds me of how I used to be more imaginative as a child. Except that was fun.

I have been limiting coffee intake which helps but I do kind of enjoy being pissed off & constantly visualizing maps so sometimes I do it on purpose which leads to Deliberate Site Vandalism since I can't direct that energy at anyone around me.

So I guess I also have two mode. Snide narrator who is very uncharitable to me & The Visions.

Sometimes I just talk to myself.

Sometimes I talk with a random character. I can feel agency (or illusion of Independent agency) from anyome at this point, whether I want an anime waifu to "talk back" or to play out a dialogue I'm supposed to have with an IRL person soon.

And sometimes I talk with my inner companions. There are a few characters I have built stable, genuine relationships with over years.

Btw. at some point I started seeing my mind as a process rather than an entity (or set of entities). And like in other complex processes, it would be strange if we couldn't observe any internal contradictions in it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4Gs4Jw_ePI

I usually stop thinking so the voices argue with each other instead of me

Mine is very chaotic. It's basically me fighting off OCD thoughts combined with maladaptive daydreaming.

It keeps telling me to feign the emotions and facial expressions that is most suitable for the conversation.

Since I can remember, It’s helped me learn appropriate facial expressions for different occasions; by watching other people. My wife says that my inner voice is dark, and not normal for others.

I honestly don’t understand why others are happy, sad angry et al.

When I forget what I'm doing my brain makes a sound like an engaged phoneline from the 1990s

Layers of depth in a fluid is the best metaphor I have.

The 'top' 'layer' is the 'loudest.' It has the word-thoughts. If I want to solidify ideas and plans into an expressible form, it happens here. Almost everything that comes out of my mouth is formed into word-thoughts first, and then repeated aloud. If I want to 'rubber duck' a problem, I do it here. Sometimes 'bubbles' come from below and disrupt the structure of these thoughts.

The next 'lower' 'layer' is the image space. Things I am actively imagining are here. Images, 3D forms, music, conceptual mapping, etc.

The next 'lower' is the semi-conscious. Thoughts I haven't established fully into expressible thoughts or images are here in half-graspable form. Sometimes it feels like something lower pushes elements up into this space as 'important.' Sometimes those things are pushed up strongly enough they press into the layer above.

I can sometimes sense things happening deeper down, parts that are processing inputs in ways my metacognition can't perceive.

Across the whole space is a certain turbidity representing emotional disruptions and physical mental hindrances like lack of sleep, etc.