A. This leads to politeness fetishists and tone policing. If someone says something offensive like "we should remove LGBT+ books from schools," I'd rather shoot myself than speak nicely to that person.
B. This has not been my experience with my fellow Americans at all. I even saw a mod from lemmy.world post mod-flaired horseshit in their politics community about how "The US is not a racist country." Fuck that.
Maybe you just haven't found the right recipes