I’d say you're fighting the wrong enemy. You think everyone else got a skill you missed, but you're really just comparing how you feel inside to how they look outside. That’s not a fair fight.
Sun Tzu would say to know the ground and know yourself. The ground is a new workplace, so feeling lost is totally normal. Knowing yourself means knowing you're quiet, low on energy, and unsure of your voice. That doesn't make you “subhuman” - it’s just information.
And you've also done more than you give yourself credit for. Those two weeks of silence were basically scouting, and then you got into a group of other new hires and stayed in it for a month. That’s not nothing.
The real issue is how you've been talking to yourself. Calling yourself subhuman is like a general tearing down his own army before the battle. And cutting conversations short probably teaches you that talking is risky, which is the opposite of what you need.
I’d go small. One short, real conversation a day, mostly with people you already know. Ask a question, listen, and let your voice/confidence get stronger by using it. You don’t need to win everyone over, just get comfortable with a few.
On a related note, perhaps consider that you could be neurodivergent (such as autistic). Neurodivergence is not a weakness - it is a difference in mental structure that can come with both strengths and weaknesses, and if (IF) you are neurodivergent, knowing these things about yourself can help you.
I’d say you're fighting the wrong enemy. You think everyone else got a skill you missed, but you're really just comparing how you feel inside to how they look outside. That’s not a fair fight.
Sun Tzu would say to know the ground and know yourself. The ground is a new workplace, so feeling lost is totally normal. Knowing yourself means knowing you're quiet, low on energy, and unsure of your voice. That doesn't make you “subhuman” - it’s just information.
And you've also done more than you give yourself credit for. Those two weeks of silence were basically scouting, and then you got into a group of other new hires and stayed in it for a month. That’s not nothing.
The real issue is how you've been talking to yourself. Calling yourself subhuman is like a general tearing down his own army before the battle. And cutting conversations short probably teaches you that talking is risky, which is the opposite of what you need.
I’d go small. One short, real conversation a day, mostly with people you already know. Ask a question, listen, and let your voice/confidence get stronger by using it. You don’t need to win everyone over, just get comfortable with a few.
On a related note, perhaps consider that you could be neurodivergent (such as autistic). Neurodivergence is not a weakness - it is a difference in mental structure that can come with both strengths and weaknesses, and if (IF) you are neurodivergent, knowing these things about yourself can help you.