Like I said, that's not reasonable behavior. They didn't clearly communicate what they expected from you, and then got angry about it. Also, if you didn't do the dishes, I wonder if they would have been angry about that instead. From what you're describing, it sounds like you made a very reasonable decision. But even if you were in the wrong (I don't think you were), it's still partly on them– ND people tend to need more concrete, direct communication, and it doesn't sound like your partner is making an effort to communicate with you effectively
Really though, I can't imagine getting angry at someone for doing chores, unless it was super loud like vacuuming. It's not like doing dishes makes much noise.
Why does your partner expect you to bend over backward for them, when they are unwilling to do the same for you? Why are they expecting you to structure your whole life around them, when they aren't taking any steps to coexist with you? (If something as quiet as you doing dishes in the other room keeps them up, why aren't they using white noise and earplugs? You shouldn't be expected to try to match their sleep schedule)
Also, I still think it's a bit crazy that they expect you home by 9:00, and 30min late is inexcusable. I assume that I'm younger than you, but with my friends it's not uncommon to show up an hour late, and stay out until 1.
We can make a human computer to predict the motion of the suns in the sky. But we might have trouble keeping secrets...