This sounds like a tough situation. From what you've described, the way this person is treating you lacks any trace of care or respect. You deserve better. From anyone you interact with, but especially from anyone that wants to be intimate with you (in any sense of the word). I'm concerned that you're still talking to them, let alone wavering on whether to break up with them.
At the risk of being a bit harsh, I wonder if this song applies? I share this only because sometimes it's easier to see from the outside how abusive a relationship has become. I've you're feeling delicate, maybe wait until you're feeling a bit more robust before you listen.
Are narcissists attracted to ADHD folk?
People with a narcissistic streak are attracted to anyone with weakened personal boundaries. This is often the case with those of us who grow up with undiagnosed ADHD, and other forms of neurodivergence. Because we spend our formative years with a neurotypical-dominated world constantly gaslighting us. We're taught to distrust our perceptions; of what's normal for us, what works for us, and so on.
Do you have any ideas or strategies that have worked for your to bring yourself back to a more normal state?
Two things; self love, personal boundaries.
It's an ongoing journey. Life traumas often tip me back into self-loathing and letting other people push me around. But I keep working on accepting myself, warts and all, and reminding myself that I don't need to be perfect to deserve love, let alone basic care and respect. I keep working on saying "no" when that's the right answer for me, even if other people get upset that I don't say "yes".
There's a book by Dr. Allan Mallinger called 'Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control'. I try to remember to reread this book every few years. I found this really helpful, both for understanding my own obsessive people-pleasing. As well as being more compassionate towards others when they're stuck in obsessive behaviour, without sacrificing my own wellbeing trying to "fix" things for them. Which might help in dealing with this person you're struggling to break up with.
Another book I've found really helpful for my journey towards self-acceptance is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Tolle's prose is gentle but never pandering. Often confusing, but always in ways that open space for deeper reflection. Each time I read it, I always follow the suggestion to put the book down and come back to it later, whenever one of the little pause symbols appears. Taking some time to absorb each section and observe my mind's reactions to it, and whether that conflicts with or resonates with my more intuitive responses.
That's where my other suggestion about cultivating healthy personal boundaries come in. There's a great story about the Buddha getting buttonholed by the father of one of his students, who harangues the Buddha at length for wasting his son's time and teaching him a load of philosophical nonsense. The Buddha sits and listens patiently until the father runs out of stream and stops speaking. At which point the Buddha smiles sweetly and says "I'm very sorry, I cannot use your abuse, you may have it back". The Buddha has no shortage of compassion or empathy, but that doesn't mean he has to suffer fools gladly ; )
There will always be some people who will try to cast you as a bit player in their dramas, like the father in that story does to Buddha. Sometimes maliciously, more often through lack of self-awareness. That's what over-identification with ego does to us. But even though they'll make it seem compulsory, and even make turning down the role awkward or painful, it's always your choice whether you let them direct you or not. Since we're trading songs, When You Come Back Home by The Front Lawn seems pretty relevant to this.
As I said in my initial reply, figuring out how to handle this less like a people-pleaser and more like the Buddha in that story is a lifelong journey. But the better you get at it, the less attractive you are to narcissists and other Cluster B personalities, and the more likely you are to attract people with healthy boundaries and respect for yours. So it does get easier over time, even if it can seem a little lonely at first.