this post was submitted on 03 Apr 2026
71 points (98.6% liked)
Not The Onion
21063 readers
1530 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Strangely after teleporting I always wake up with a headache and memory loss.
I haven't teleported since this one time where I immediately got lost and had to ask a dragon for a ride home. I woke up naked on my neighbor's porch with a tattered ribbon of red silk tied around my penis.
It's terrible what the aliens do to people after they scoop them up and before they teleport them back to Earth. There's probes and prodding and general dubious medical practices. That's probably what causes it. I've heard they use certain solvents to pacify people first though, so you might fail a breath test when you first return.
Yeah I think they are examining my head a bit too much. So much I'm sometimes also dizzy from it?!
And for some reason it's always right after twenty beers
Surely that's a coincidence. If it was the beer, how come you don't teleport a little bit after 1 beer?
My logic is infallible, and by my logic we can 100% exclude that beer has anything to do with it.
The power of deduction baby. 😋
Bruh, you weren't drinking beers, those were glasses of Ayahuasca.