this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2026
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No Stupid Questions

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I know nothing about boats but I learn fast and never forget.

I’m willing to do the jobs no one else wants.

My kids are grown, I’m divorced, retired at 35. I’m not quite forty yet.

I need to get away and I need to work impossibly hard like I’m used. I need to get away from the gun in my safe calling me.

I’ll work myself to death at any shipping job.

There’s got to be a captain looking for a newbie like that.

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[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 5 points 8 hours ago

The start of a true boatist begins with a balanced number of tattoos. You need at least some chain and one of those big fishing hooks they drop to stop the ship to make fast turns during action events.

You'll need one with a heart that's broken with an arrow thru it.

Next you need Keratin and testosterone boosters. When you start on those you'll need to exercise a lot. Do pushups, arm wrestling and sparing. You'll need a sword or a really long knife.

Carry a patch to cover one eye. It works better if you don't have a leg. That way you can get a wood peg leg, which is very important.

Finally, go to Mexico and learn to roll your ars. This is what makes you a true pirate, which is your goal.