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‘I don’t date at all now’: one woman’s journey into the darkest corners of the manosphere (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works to c/world@lemmy.world

364 comments fedilink hide all child comments

To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] spirinolas@lemmy.world 36 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

I can't comprehend how people can make such a statement when the same logic applied to race instead of gender would make them (righteously) scream bloody racism.

I'm not responsible for the actions of someone who has the same genitals as me, no more than someone with the same skin color.

[–] sudneo@lemm.ee 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Ironically that poster is an Israel supporter. By their own logic every Israeli should be victim of default "suspicion" and be treated like an IDF war criminal, since everyone has the "potential" to be one.

Actually, this argument would be even more compelling since Israel does have elections and you can emigrate/renounce to your citizenship, both not possible in case of manhood.

It's bizarre that someone could come up with such a poor argument that ultimately boils down to: "people should be accountable for the actions of other people in the same demographic", without realising there are tons of way you can divide people in demographics.

[–] petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone -3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"people should be accountable for the actions of other people in the same demographic",

Sudneo! Answer these questions:

Do you agree that stalking women is bad behavior?

If you discovered a person who was stalking a woman, would you seek to intervene?

Don't yadda-yadda about what the argument was to me—I don't care. I want the answers to these two questions.

[–] sudneo@lemm.ee 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yes
Generally yes, but it depends. If I feel like my intervention can actually be useful, sure. For example, if anybody in my acquaintances would be doing that or be a victim of that. "Intervene" also would most likely be reporting or providing shelter, I am not Batman.

Note that both the answers are independent on whether the stalker is a man or not.

[–] petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 days ago

Perfect.

As an allegedly misandrist, man-feminist critical of Men's culture broadly, I am telling you this: these are the only two things you need to believe in.

I am tasking you with the responsibility of simply wanting a better society. If you see any person being harassed or chauvenistic or socially ignored because they're not "in the club," man or woman, and no matter the debate on which demographics tend to do what more often—if you have the heroic urge to help someone, that's all you need.

This might sound a bit like I'm asking you to do something you already do, but if that's true, that's even better! A lot of people out there think of themselves as heroes but are easily swept away from the call to action by things like the bystander effect or simply not wanting to rock the boat. I believe in your ability to stand up and help people.

Also, I am surprised by your straightforwardness. I appreciate that, lol. :)