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‘I don’t date at all now’: one woman’s journey into the darkest corners of the manosphere (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works to c/world@lemmy.world

344 comments fedilink hide all child comments

To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world -4 points 22 hours ago (7 children)

I'm not excusing the behavior, nor do I do this. I am saying it's not nearly as ubiquitous as the author tries to make it seem. She's biased because it happened to her, and of course she would be. But, don't look at her claims as some sort of careful study.

It's not all men, it's not anywhere close to a majority. "There are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites..." still doesn't constitute a huge percentage of men. And, I'm sure only a small percentage of those are sharing original pictures. She has way overstated the problem.

[–] HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 21 hours ago (3 children)

Please show your data that states how many men share women's personal pics without consent.

[–] Echofox@lemmy.ca 5 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

The burden of proof is the one making the original claim. It was anecdotal, so it can be dismissed anecdotally.

[–] HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

TrackinDaKracken was the one whose guesstimates I was questioning, not the author's.

[–] Echofox@lemmy.ca -1 points 18 hours ago

I understand that.

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