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‘I don’t date at all now’: one woman’s journey into the darkest corners of the manosphere (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works to c/world@lemmy.world

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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] damnedfurry@lemmy.world -1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

In my college there was a flyer in the restroom about how something like 1 in 6 women will experience sexual assault or rape.

And that was shown to be complete horseshit arrived at by defining 'sexual assault or rape' in a survey more broadly than any reasonable person ever would.

It's similar to the survey in the 80s all the ACABers cite to claim 40% of cops are domestically violence--in that survey, even if a voice was raised one time in the past six months, and it was the cop's spouse yelling at the cop, that survey dumped the relationship in the domestic violence bucket. Big surprise that 40% figure has never been replicated since, lol.

One example: at the end of a first date that you weren't really feeling, the guy goes in for a kiss and you decline? Guess what, even if he completely accepts the denial and the date ends without incident, that went in the "sexual assault" bucket, regardless of whether the woman herself felt anything bad had happened.

Ever had sex while less than stone cold sober (keep in mind the entirety of the surveyed considered to arrive at this figure were college students)? Survey says you were raped. Doesn't matter if you were just tipsy, doesn't matter if you and your partner were equally drunk, doesn't matter whether you think you were raped/assaulted, nope, we decided you were.

Stuff like that is the only way to get to a figure so absurd.

[–] w3dd1e@lemm.ee 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

First of all, the Washington Examiner is a right-wing news outlet. They have a bias in there reporting and it shows.

Second, the number of sexual assaults on campus is likely significantly higher according to more recent information.

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/04/news-campus-sexual-assault

Last, if someone assaults a person who doesn’t believe they were assaulted, does that count?

Ever had sex while less than stone cold sober (keep in mind the entirety of the surveyed considered to arrive at this figure were college students)? Survey says you were raped. Doesn't matter if you were just tipsy, doesn't matter if you and your partner were equally drunk, doesn't matter whether you think you were raped/assaulted, nope, we decided you were.

What is that person had passed out drunk and doesn’t remember it? Is it rape now? What if that person has a learning disability or communication disability? Do you think that’s rape?

My point here is that something can be true if the person isn’t aware of it. I presume people are also more likely to say they’ve received unwanted physical interactions than to say they were raped.

You know, society used to think you couldn’t rape your wife either.

[–] damnedfurry@lemmy.world 0 points 14 hours ago

Why are you proposing scenarios other than the ones I used to specifically exemplify the fact that the measure of sexual assault/rape was massively overinflated?

Do you think "but what about the situations that are rape" is a counterargument to that? My point is that they counted a lot MORE in ADDITION to those legitimate scenarios, and that's why such a scary number was arrived at.

The bottom line fact is, no survey etc. that doesn't massively dilute the definitions of those terms has ever or will ever reach a conclusion like "1 in 5 female college students have been sexually assaulted or raped". There is a reason that figure isn't being thrown around anymore these days--it's been debunked thoroughly.