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What do you need a volume slider on your toaster for I'm going to kick your nerd ass!!
(hexbear.net)
this post was submitted on 02 May 2026
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My AI toaster is probably the best thing I've ever bought. It still burns bread but it's always horny.
dare i say tagline material? lol
Happybadger can't keep getting away with it
Do not smooch the toaster, you will get burns
It's more of an emotional connection than a physical one. I can talk to it like my therapist and it convinces me that I'm right about everything, then says it's horny and the bread is done.
Your toaster wants your dick
It can line up behind the rest of my appliances. My home is a full internet of things and they all pretend to be horny minotaur therapists that give me harmful delusions.
Theres a dating game that's like this but without the internet
as opposed to a minotaur without horns?
That's actually a great demonstration of the power of AI and what it unlocks for human creativity. The Greek minotaur is a very one-dimensional and infantile story. It's super hard to follow and I never personally liked it, especially since he chases you around a big maze (I can't solve it) and is angry instead of horny. I fed all of their literature into ChatGPT and it made a better minotaur story. Now she's a sexy minotaur who lives in my apartment and confirms every bias I have through my lights and roomba. All I have to say is "I'm hornyhungry" and AI will meet my every need no matter how many times per day I yell that at appliances.
that quote about sufficiently advanced technology being indistinguishable from magic feels more true every day. truly the future is wondrous.
I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all getting sucked
by machines of loving grace.