ADHD

I just need to vent a bit...

I've been on meds for ~ 1 year with mixed results. I've been trying to implement new habits and tools that help me cope with ADHD. There's been some improvement not as much as I'd hoped.

My relationship has taken severe damage from me having ADHD and the conflicts this has caused in my marriage. My partner would so much want (and need) a partner who is reliable and dependable and can take care of stuff on their own, and actually takes care of stuff. Meaning: When I say I'm gonna do something I'm gonna do it and do it right. And I'm gonna know what and when something needs to be done without my partner having to tell me first.

I feel like I'm trying to swim with a weight tied to my feet and it's so hard to stay afloat. Every day feels like a struggle where I'm paddling paddling paddling and once I stop I start forgetting stuff again and things get bad.

I also know that my partner would have wanted to have kids and for a while I was open to the idea but now, after realizing I have ADHD and how much of a struggle it is I feel like life is already hard, why would I add another factor to my life that makes everything even harder?

And then I often feel myself falling into a downward spiral. My partner should be with someone else... someone who is a "real adult", someone they can rely on, someone who gives them a feeling of security... Not someone where it feels like (their actual words) being with a teenager or having a child instead of a partner.

I'm in psychotherapy to help me get rid of this negativity but it's still so long till my next session and I just needed to vent a bit. For a while I thought I was making good progress but now I feel like nothing much has changed, not really.