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I shouted at my partner yesterday. I’d take that back.
I was trying to serve dinner and she decided that’s when she needed to start cleaning stuff. She complains why did I call her over if dinner isn’t ready, except it is ready, the stove is off, the food is cooked — I just physically cannot move the food to the plates because she’s decided to clean in front of the stove and I don’t want to scald her with a hot pan. If she wasn’t there, the food would be on the plates, but I’m stuck.
I just need the kitchen clear for 20 more seconds. I don’t know why loading the dishwasher or bending over at the front of the stove to wipe the floor is urgent, and it’s that combination of “why did you call me if dinner isn’t ready, I’ll come back when it’s ready” mixed with the only reason it’s not served is her placement inside the kitchen that frustrates me so much. And it feels like she doesn’t acknowledge that she plays a role here, and that makes me so angry.
I did apologize but it still makes it feel like I don’t appreciate her, and I do.
When this happens to me, it means there's something problematic in my life, something else entirely, that's overflowing into our relationship.
I've been able to successfully identify this pattern because it happened too frequently the last few years. I had been subject to anxiety with regard to my professional activity and our failure to conceive, among other (lesser) things.
These piled up, and then the smallest inconvenience/frustration was enough to get me over the edge.