this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2026
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I love all these YouTube videos, health gurus and influencers encouraging me to sleep a full eight hours.
Y'all motherfuckers have never had children, have you?
Why would you have children if you wanted to sleep ever again?
Because sex is fun, birth control is not always perfect, my wife did not wish an abortion and I respect her bodily autonomy.
Or worked hospitality. These fuckers have never done an AFD or a clopen
Love the word "clopen". It's a terrible word and it gets the point across perfectly.
You don't even get to finish "close" before you're already opening. There's no hyphen or breath time in-between.
It's all just mashed together, rushed, and stressful, just like the shift it describes.
Christ. My son has a cough, and he crawled up into our bed last night. Spent hours coughing directly into my ear, slapping me with flailing hands, and crying for milk (which he then rejected after it was offered).
I am in an absolute haze this morning.
It gets better. The early years are so exhausting that it’s hard to function. It so often feels like you’re talking to a wall and repeating yourself every day. And then little by little, they start to parrot your saying and mannerisms (which is frankly, hilarious). Be kind to yourself while you’re in the trenches, it will get better and every year will be easier than the one before
Oh no doubt. We've got friends with older kids and we're getting a bunch of hot tips about what comes next - some good, some bad.
One of my friends swears the best day in a parent's life is the day you change the last diaper. But the second best is the day your kids beat you at chess.
So I've got a lot to look forward to
That’s rough, buddy.
I mean that's totally on you. Like it's so obvious beforehand that u are not gonna get a lot of sleep once u have children. People nowadays really don't think things through, do they.
The name fits your attitude perfectly :D
Go to bed at 9PM, that should work out to around 8h even with kids getting up early and a few interruptions during the night. That worked for us at least when the kids were still infants/toddlers.
Not all kids sleep a regular schedule, despite their parents’ best efforts. I work with neurodivergent kids and every day there’s inevitably some kid who woke up at 4am, or didn’t fall asleep until midnight, or both.
My niece and nephew have perfectly regular sleep schedules. As in their sleep schedules are super consistent.
Is it "regular" like "regular people have it"? Fuck no!
But their schedule is like clockwork with it's regularity.
Wake up at 4am, full of energy until 4pm, unconscious until 8pm, wide awake until midnight, asleep until 4am, repeat. They're 10 now and I really hope they get a job someday that let's them keep that kind of schedule because it works so well for them.
EDIT: I should clarify though that their schedule is almost perfectly at odds with my brother's (their dad) schedule.
No if course they don't, neither did ours (youngest still doesn't consistently at 7yo)...both our kids are ND. Key for us is division of responsibilities. One has them in the evening/night, the other takes mornings. Switch around however it fits your everyday schedule requirements. One can covee afternoons if adult naps are needed as well.
This still allows for pretty consistently getting a decent amount of sleep. If you're a single parent, then yeah it's fucked.
what about people on 2nd or 3rd shift
I dont think I've ever heard of 2nd and 3rd shift, Pippin