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Welcome again to everybody. Make yourself at home. In the time-honoured tradition of our group, here is the weekly discussion thread.
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I kinda do now.
I even think my video game anhedonia is breaking now.
Anhedonia is a new word for me. This is making me wonder if my ADHD+depression is actually ADHD+anhedonia 🤔
Woah. That might actually be what's messing me up too. Thanks for posting this link! It does fit remarkably well to my experience
"Standard ADHD stimulant medications can sometimes blunt emotional experience in people where anhedonia is already prominent, making pre-treatment screening important"
I somewhat agree with this.
However, I still think some stimulant is necessary in my case.
That said, I am lowering my Vyvanse from 60 mg all the way to 40 mg for the time being.
Also, I think CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy is... useful, in a sense.
But it is not the be-all-end-all of therapy.
I think that it mainly works for allistics (specifically, neurodivergent people who are allistic, which means "non-Autistic").
Currently, I am looking into other therapy modalities, such as ACT and OT.
Same tbh. Would get nothing done otherwise.
Luckily for me, i can take the lowest dosage of Dexamfetamines (5mg) and 300mg bupropion with no tolerance increase over time on both.
I wouldn't know, really. My therapists have been very lacklustre and it just felt like a venting session and none of them had any clue what my issue could even be. This article has done more for me than years of therapy.
I could see that. I am AuDHD so maybe that is what made it hard for them to help me somehow.
S A M E
But also, in my case, I experienced therapy abuse several times with the therapists I had.
I have had 11 therapists so far since the year 2021.
I have switched therapists constantly.
Even the eighth therapist, who was better than the other therapists before her, abused me at one point, but I stuck with her because I was afraid of the next therapist being worse and maybe this one was as good as I could get, you know?
I am glad that she eventually terminated the client relationship due to the on-and-off-again no-shows, especially when I last had a job.
I found therapist later with PhD which is... honestly a godsend in this day and age and she is also an ADHDer.
However, she had to direct me to another therapist (my current talk therapist) because the practice that my current therapist works for specializes in neurodivergent clients as well as trans clients and also religious trauma too. She felt they might have more resources and had other things to attend to. I was glad she was at least very honest about it.
I also have a therapist now for ERP.
I always avoided ERP because I thought I could "tough it out."
Now I don't care whether I can or can't.
I need to resolve my OCD pronto.
Oh, and my eighth therapist that I mentioned told me that I don't have OCD (even when I was really interested at the time in either doing ERP or finding ways to ameliorate or see if I can reverse it in any way lol).
She kept doing CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy with me, just like all the other talk therapists that I have had here in Virginia.
When I would ask her for techniques on how to calm down or regulate my nervous system or some sort of mental technique that I could follow along to soothe my anxious thoughts, she would be like "Just keep questioning or giving a different point-of-view to your thoughts" or "We can get to that next week" or something like that.
Honestly, I am glad that I do box-breathing now lol
I was literally just asking for stuff like that, you know?
She would just give me those blank stares (along with the stuff she would say above).
But yeah lol I am glad I have my current talk therapist and my ERP there for OCD.
But now I really don't expect much from any therapist nowadays.
If I get a good or great one in Zaragoza, when I get there, that would be awesome but that would probably be more of a lucky incident in my part, nothing more.
It's like finding a block in Super Mario Bros. that gives you a mushroom that makes you big or whatever; you're kinda just lucky to chance upon it, especially when you need it lol
Oh, and I am also AuDHD.
Oh wow, i have never been abused by a therapist. Can't imagine to have that happen and then still have to try to trust other therapists! Your current situations sounds better though, thank fuck for that.
I "luckily" only ever had incompetent therapists that told me that i should maybe light a candle or straight up never figured out anything that could be wrong in my head or how to help it.
Maybe my problem is that i am in the netherlands and they truly don't care about mental health here it seems.
The United States and Virginia especially has this problem.
Well
Hopefully you don't live in a suburb
Those contribute to mental health issues big time
I live in the city. Suburbs would make me actually end it all lmao
Lucky!
Can't wait till I get to Zaragoza.
Living over 20 years with your narcissistic abusive Dad until the divorce forces him t finally leave is terrible.
So done with Virginia and the United States by extension lol
I am very lucky tbh. My mental health would have already ended me if i weren't lucky to have a good support system in my friends and family
Yeah, I don't.
I hate my Dad and his entire family.
I hate my Mom's side of the family too.
I only really love my Mom.
I don't like my two siblings. They are loyal to my Dad and go to visit him in Türkiye occasionally.
They are likely co-dependent.
One is a narcissist.
I hate mine too, but they do like me and they have familial loyalty and helped me out with money lol.
They are not antagonistic towards me, but they are racist and bigoted in other ways.
Yours seems much worse to live with 😬
Yes, my younger sibling who I really cared for as a child is fascist now.
He keeps veering any conversation we have into, erm, topics of ethnicity.
Also, the transphobia.
He literally has done the Hitler salute because it pisses people off or because it's "funny."
I don't want to interact with him anymore.
It's usually just "good morning" here and there so he doesn't suspect that I legit hate his guts now.
But the truth is, I can't wait to not see him ever again.
(Also, no, he doesn't know that I am a transfem lol)
Ugh yikes. My eldest brother is part of the local AfD devision (our alt-right party here in germany), so i do somewhat get it actually. I am, again, more lucky, because i am by far the youngest in my family and everyone moved out before i was born.
I truly wish you good luck. That is a rancid situation and it must be hard to steel yourself every day.
Thank you.
I do indeed steel myself every day.
I have a mask and armor.
I don't know who I am beneath it all.
I don't know if I really know what person I am or who I am.
I am ready to find out ig
I am ready to move on.
Sorry my bad, I can yap a lot sometimes, I'm trying to do that less LMAO @DonLongSchlong@lemmygrad.ml
Nah no worries haha. I hang out around yappers all the time since we all have adhd, but i got the kind that makes me not talk at all except the occasional 10/10 joke that lands perfectly and then it's time to stfu again.
I do hope that i eventually find a better therapist because i have a hard time connecting with my friends emotionally and there is actually little motivation to meet them outside of "being social is good for brain".
same on the last part
I think solitude is good tbh
Too much can be bad
but i have never felt like I was truly away from people
especially from people i don't like
i have my own room though in my house
but i am still with people that I don't like or that make me uneasy
and the spectrophobia doesn't help
the spectrophobia doesn't help at all sometimes lol
Spectrophobia sounds like a harsh hand to be dealt ngl.
I am doing okay alone. I just do wish that sometimes i had an actual drive to meet people.
The issue of also makes it hard to organize because technically i only cognitively care about humans and the world. Emotionally i really don't get much of the "i care about this" chemicals.
My roommates are okay, but mutiple mentally disabled people living together is a damn mess. On one hand everyone understands what it's like having your problems not be respected, on the other hand- do the damn dishes pls😭
Yeah, depression can cause people to stop, say, taking a shower consistently or cleaning up a little.
Also, I prefer to be with "happy" people if I can help it.
No obsessive or constant trauma-dumping or "venting," which can almost immediately depress the mood or atmosphere around you.
But honestly, anything would be better than my suburban residential home lol
Sameeee. Honestly, i love neurotypicals sometimes because they are so easy to deal with in my experience.
Absolutely. My GF does sometimes drift into venting too much to me because her mental health also prevents her from seeing her friends and venting to them.
yeah, i get that
my Mom (the only one in my family I can say that I love) does this regarding my own dad
and it gets tiresome
And maybe burnout and possibly over-stimulation, yeah.
Check if you're also Autistic because that would explain the sensitivity issues.