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Welcome again to everybody. Make yourself at home. In the time-honoured tradition of our group, here is the weekly discussion thread.
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On RevLeft there used to be a regular called ‘pileofdeadnazis’, and unforgetting that made me realize… I simply don’t have the sincere, visceral hatred for militant anticommunists that I once had. They’re still nuisances, of course, but I don’t feel that same emotionally draining hatred for them anymore. I remember nine years ago feeling a macabre sense of satisfaction in seeing photographs of Fascist corpses, but now I feel barely anything at all. It’s mostly the same indifference when I play Zombie Army Trilogy (save for a few slow-motion death sequences): it feels less like sweet revenge and more like another job that needs getting done.
I feel like I should despise militant anticommunists more than I do, but I don’t. Even hearing about an IOF war criminal committing (say) child abuse doesn’t make me think something along the lines of ‘I want to fucking strangle these pukestains’ but more along the lines of ‘hmmf, typical.’ I don’t know if it’s my depression or naturally mellowing out or what, but it is a shift that I’ve noticed; I am almost nostalgic for the times when I was angrier.
i dont condemn anger and it annoys me when people, especially libs, do, but it’s fine to not feel as intensely and emotionally, cuz i mean, your thoughts don’t define any merit you have, only what you do. don’t worry too hard about what you’re feeling and why.
also, if holding onto rage without an outlet for a while just causes you problems, it’s fine to let it go, not because you’re wrong for feeling angry, but because it’s always better to be kind to yourself, and letting yourself save that rage for when you can do something with it is always smarter than letting it fester and corrode yourself. not saying rage is bad in and of itself, once again, just trying to say that rage can consume you, and you’re a nice person, and your rage should be directed at those who are evil like, you know, IOF soldiers and fascists as you said, but if it’s just cooped up in you and it hurts and you also can’t act on it at the moment, it diminishing is okay.
if you’re checking yourself when you’re alone for feeling the ‘right’ feelings in the face of great tragedies, and berating yourself for not feeling those ‘right’ feelings, that’s, pardon my words, silly (this is meant to be comforting, i’m just no good at it) you’re not a jerk for not feeling the ‘right’ way! don’t stress about having the ‘right’ feelings if your behavior has not worsened. the only reason becoming dispassionate would be bad would be if your actions started to break away and act contrary to your principles.
sorry i guess my thesis was don’t worry and don’t feel guilty about not feeling like you used to. you don’t know if that’ll change, and even if it does, if you stay principled and cognitive, then it doesn’t matter. i think (not very good at speaking).
Its probably better to be a little dispassionate about it. Supposing the revolution happens, I imagine that if the situation calls for the eradication of fascists and you went into it all fired up it would probably burn you out faster than if you went into it thinking it was a chore that needed to be done.
Honestly?
You're protecting your sanity.
Especially in this world.
Feelings come and go. I'm pretty sure I'd break down if I felt boiling rage every time I read about another atrocity committed by the empire today, or in the past. But I know that I care. I can't read about it without feeling something. Persistent strong feelings though, I don't think are really sustainable as an ongoing thing. The reverse example of your hatred situation being how people in long-term relationships will shift over time from super strong lovey dovey feelings to more of a sustained, nurtured affection, or even "fall out of love".
Impermanence is a defining part of our existence, as is (in the dialectical materialist view) things changing form via transition and negation and so on.
So I guess what I'm getting at is, it makes sense that you would not stay in a state of super visceral hatred forever. And the beliefs you have, and knowledge you possess about fascists, will still be there in moments of immediate crisis (like the type of moments when fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode kicks in). So in those moments, especially if you are more rested, I'm sure the feelings will return in one way or another as they are needed. Conserving and managing our energy does matter and you don't have to prove you're a real fash hater by feeling hatred for them constantly or whatever.
Hate in general is one of those things where I can see the purpose of it in dealing with truly atrocious systems and behavior, like with righteous anger, but it doesn't need to define us for it to serve a purpose. And, in fact, when it is defining us, is it even worth it? I think we deserve better than to be defined by hate. It is, after all, a great protective love that can motivate righteous anger in the first place. And to be clear, I don't mean this in some "you will be corrupted by hate" kind of way, more like, about what is a sustainable and humane way for us to live. We need people who can carry the fight through. Martyrs can't give marching orders.