Piracy: ꜱᴀɪʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʜɪɢʜ ꜱᴇᴀꜱ

It may be different in your country, but in mine there are takeout pizzas that aren't a chain, and 95% of the time they are better.

I taste no appreciable difference between the brands,

Either you don't have any taste buds, or you don't order pizza that often. A statement like this is like saying "I taste no appreciable difference between Coke and Pepsi".

• Papa Johns' has an almost-sugary pizza sauce that I don't like that much. I also prefer pan pizza, but their default is that floppy NY pizza style. I consider them one of my least favorite option. Fucking Yum can't manage any of their brands.
• Domino's used to suck about 15-20 years ago, but they have improved in every way now. Typically my go-to delivery, for a major chain brand.
• Pizza Hut is still pretty good for pan pizza, but some think is greaser than others. They tend to use a lot of cheese, which is fine by me.
• Little Caesars, absolute fucking garbage. I'd rather heat up a cheap pizza at home.
• Cicis, barely above Little Caesars, about the same quality as Chuck E. Cheese or Mr. Gattis
• Jet's Pizza, really really good pan pizza, a bit more expensive, but better than old standards like Domino's or Pizza Hut.
• Mellow Mushroom, Old Chicago, Blaze Pizza, all S-tier pizza restaurants, though they don't deliver. Making your own pizza with Blaze just makes it the top pick out of all of these.

I heavy disagree with tasting no difference. I love Dominos pizza vs the other pizzas available. Sucks that they don't do stuffed crust but, the price compared to others and the lesser oil used I love.

I buy a pamseaon sauce pizza or BBQ and bacon/ham pizza every few months through them.