Ask Lemmy
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This does feel like a pervy question. Can you argue it’s a legitimate question?
As a hetero, female-breast-fascinated male who tries not to be pervy it seems like an honest question. Consciously or not, sometimes I'm going to be glancing at your boobs. Doesn't mean I am consciously fantasizing; more like a shiny object I couldn't ignore. But as a person who wants to be empathetic, I want to know how this comes across to the other person.
Legit AF IMO
Fucking thank you. It's ok to have eyes and look at people.
It comes across as pervy…even if you don’t try to be…it is.
If you were in prison and some big guy started looking at your bum how would you feel?
Asking how I would feel is a bit of a pervy question, can you explain why it’s legitimate?
Now imagine that the dude is showing just a little bit of his ass crack on purpose, like he wore clothes that specifically expose the top of the crack and accentuate it
https://imgur.com/male-cleavage-wIjKRdu
This is really it actually, there's the social norms stuff but like, they really do be accentuated, eyes are gonna always be darting at these fixed places.
Is this the only mode of existence you possess? Is hating men the only aspect of your character? Is that your whole personality- blaming people and admonishing them? It's fucking sad.
In left-leaning spaces with strong feminist influences like Lemmy, it is 100% a legitimate question. For the past several decades in these online spaces (and longer in certain real-life spaces), the constant refrain has been that heterosexual male sexuality is bad.
It is very reasonable for a chronically online heterosexual male lemming with little real world experience of sex and the culture of sex to feel like their sexuality is bad, and completely normal feelings and impulses they have are bad.
For example, imagine the community reaction if this post were hetero.
I can't believe you went through the trouble answering that shit.
We are allowed to ask whatever we want without being instantly accused of being racist, sexist, homophobic or whatever else is the Outrage Du Jour by fucking snowflakes who have to admonish others all the time because that is their whole identity.
It's because "just asking" is a common tactic for certain people who definitely aren't, and a different kind of toxic person turns that into "you can't ask certain questions". (And telling people not to answer isn't better)
Queer people posting this kind of thing is a definite phenomenon. Since it's the internet, it could totally be that IRL people think they're creeps, just the same as if they were straight. It's hard to say.
I agree it is a poor question, but not for the reasons you say. Mainly because it is clear different women have different opinions on the subject. A women with a push up bra and very little coverage clearly wants them to be noticed. While a women with a regular bra and a normal tshirt may not.
And of course there is the factor of who is noticing. Some only want to be noticed by certain people, while others want to be noticed by evryone. There is no simple answer.
I think the point, and usefulness, of this question is to get the many different kinds of answers. As you point out, it’s a nuanced social issue. It would help some people to hear all of the perspectives so they can adjust their behavior appropriately.
Or just talk and not "adjust" shit. It's sad that every conversation over anything mentioning women without fail derails into complaints about men and total misandry.
Sure, but that is a poll, not a question.
How do you feel when a woman checks out your package?
They do that, they get a glance here and there and try to not get caught. They also talk about it to each other sometimes. Women can absolutely be unnecessarily pervy, just like men.
I always find it funny that that behavior is so less well known but happens a lot as well.
Stop saying pervy as if humans aren't thoroughly sexual creatures constantly looking to hook up. It's normal.
It's not perverse to have basic human emotions.
It's like nobody online has ever left their basements or something and are morally outraged that others around them have actual normal healthy social lives.
Yeah, women and men both can be pervy and gross, and I don't care if people enjoy their hookup culture or whatever normal sex they have, but there are places where you should not have to deal with pervy behavior, like in the workplace.
But there's a difference between someone glancing at some dude's package or some woman's breasts because their eyes went there and they didn't mean to, versus someone taking a look then talking to a coworker about it. The latter is pervy and gross and extremely inappropriate. It's very human, but also very gross. People need to get their behavior in check in certain environments.
I still remember positively the one women who said "nice package" to me. It was 30 years ago. So I guess I feel complimented? I really shouldn't. I didn't have anything to do with it... I was born with it.
So I can totally understand why some women dress to be noticed.
And I have found that women are far more detailed about sexual encounters with each other than men are. Guys always use vague euphemisms. Women are often pretty explicit and specific. More power to them.
It's a perfectly innocuous question. What is with the constant gatekeeping, of you even mention women you're always gonna get some rando trying to wedge themselves in and calling people sexist or whatever. It's ok to talk about things, if they don't like it why don't they just fuck off?
This is more like a poll than a question. All the answers are already known.
So let's never talk about anything ever again. It's all known anyway.
Overdramaticize much?
you do realize that the whole concept of "perverted" is made up, right?