this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2026
45 points (100.0% liked)

Ask Lemmy

40569 readers
554 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !uspolitics@lemmy.world


7) No Hit-and-Run questions.
Please don't delete your post for no apparent reason. If you plan on deleting a question later, say so in the post, or if you feel that you have a good reason to remove it, message a mod beforehand. It's not fair to the ones who took their time to answer, and it's not in the spirit of the community.


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Do you ever catch yourself reacting to things the exact way your parents did, even when you don't want to?

I've noticed impatience and snapping at small stuff in myself lately, and it lines up with patterns I grew up around. Knowing where it came from hasn't been enough to actually stop it in the moment.

How did you actually change an inherited reaction pattern, not just understand it, but genuinely respond differently next time?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

It takes practice, and conscious effort in the moment. You won't stop how you feel right away (impatience), but you can stop your reaction.

Now: event>emotional response> verbal response

Then: event>emotional response> verbal response > self reflection

Then: event>emotional response> (stop to think) less acidic verbal response

Etc till you're not snapping. One step at a time, but the fact you're are trying to alter the pattern is huge. Good luck, this won't be easy but you can do it.

[–] sandhu@thelemmy.club 9 points 1 week ago

thanks brother , will change for sure , step by step

[–] blackbrook@mander.xyz 3 points 1 week ago

I largely agree with this, but I would emphasize that you are trying to learn about the reaction. What triggers it. What you feel. In some cases you might not ever be able to change this reaction entirely, but you may be able to learn to keep your self out of situations where you have this reaction, or notice when you are heading towards it and try to defuse it.

The biggest negative effect of such a thing is usually on others and on relationships. A key element around this is to communicate. To help the person that you snap at understand the reaction also, and of course to apologise for it.