this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2026
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So!
You might have some neurodivergence. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Inattentive-Moderate) and I recognise this situation.
You are happy and fulfilled by ‘parallel play’ where you are with someone but you are each doing your own thing.
It sounds like your partner is asking for dedicated quality time. With active interaction.
So here’s what you do: Buy LEGO.
Nothing major (at first). The Botanical sets are lovely. Then you pick an evening, put on some background music and sit across from each other building your own set and talking about stupid garbage.
Once you’re done, order some food in and cuddle on the couch with a comfy movie. (WALL-E, Spirited Away, Hot Fuzz. Something like that).
Maybe, if you’re a giga-chad, you sneak some fancy dessert into the house earlier in the day.
Or... the partner could use their words, and describe, clearly, what qualifies as 'spending time together'.
Maybe they could do as you've done, and suggest some particular activities, that they would enjoy.
No one in a two party relationship needs to be neurodivergent... for two people to have different attachment styles, love languages, etc.
Also, is it up to member one of the relationship to... figure out what member two ... wants?
Why is member two not responsible for understanding themself to the point they can describe what they want in a meaningfully precise way?
Is... member two... cognitively impaired?
Too shy to ... communicate?
Then they shouldn't be in a relationship.
I don't know why they downvotes. Parallel play isn't for everyone but it's a great idea to try, neurodivergent or not, to see if that satisfies both parties on feeling they spent some quality time together.
down votes because armchair diagnosing people is an asshole move. it's shitty and awful and people need to stop doing it.
you cannot diagnose people based on internet comments. you know who diagnoses people? professional therapists and psychologists.
I was on a date last month with a woman who seemed nice, then she started armchair diagnosing me when I was talking about my hobbies. So I basically told her I had to go, because it was so incredibly rude and arrogant and I want nothing to do with someone uses therapy talk when they are not a professional. Not to mention, it's a violation of professional ethics for therapists to diagnoses people who they are in personal relationships with.
It's basically the equivalent of being like "oh I'm tired today", "Oh you must have cancer! let me tell you how you need to go on this diet to fight it!'
Ah, I see. It was only a "you might" so I suppose I didn’t quite see it as diagnosing they way I am used to seeing it done from other post experiences. But, understandable.