this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2026
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Literally sitting on the same couch with her leaning on me, I'm reading a book and she is watching tv; "I don't feel like we spend any time together anymore."
I reckon people have different opinions on "what spending time together" entails - ranging from
People have different opinions and views of this.
If you can't clearly communicate to your partner what your definition is? What your needs and boundaries are?
You are too immature to be in a relationship.
There are waaaaaay too many gray areas... people are different, in many little ways.
You cannot rely on the non existent mind reading capabilities of your partner, you have to use your words.
My partner sometimes mentions spending more time together. I want it to be more quality time though and not just sat watching brainrot reality TV.
At least that isn't all she watches, there are some things she likes that I do enjoy watching together. But when she finds a few new reality TV things and watches that I will just go and do something else.
been in that relationship where 'time together' is 'do shit that i like, that you hate'.
But never the other way around. Bad relationship.
for some folks it means you can't have any other hobbies/friends/interests that dont include them.
this is called co-dependency.
I had a girlfriend once who basically would not let me leave the house without her, to like even go buy milk. she was so insecure she lacked object permanence. Of course, I didn't know this about her until we lived together. But basically after a few months we broke up because I was basically living with a toddler, and in her mind I was the abusive awful person, for thinking I could go leave the house for 5 minutes without her, and fi I wanted to like come home later and get some time alone, that was ABUSE.
Oh right, and she used to run every morning and if I was feeling sick or otherwise not up to running with her... I was ABUSING HER.
Her own parents tried to talk her down out of absurd was she was being, but she simple took that as me having manipulated her parents to my side... yeah... she was not well.
Wow that sounds like an insane relationship. I guess she only really dared being herself after you moved in together? Hopefully you managed to get out without too many scars on your soul.
We were both each other's first serious partner, we had no clue what we were doing. We just loved each other and thought that was all that mattered. It was 15 years ago so it's pretty much an afterthought. I had worse partners since her who were not just ignorant, but straight up malicious and manipulative.
So!
You might have some neurodivergence. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Inattentive-Moderate) and I recognise this situation.
You are happy and fulfilled by ‘parallel play’ where you are with someone but you are each doing your own thing.
It sounds like your partner is asking for dedicated quality time. With active interaction.
So here’s what you do: Buy LEGO.
Nothing major (at first). The Botanical sets are lovely. Then you pick an evening, put on some background music and sit across from each other building your own set and talking about stupid garbage.
Once you’re done, order some food in and cuddle on the couch with a comfy movie. (WALL-E, Spirited Away, Hot Fuzz. Something like that).
Maybe, if you’re a giga-chad, you sneak some fancy dessert into the house earlier in the day.
Or... the partner could use their words, and describe, clearly, what qualifies as 'spending time together'.
Maybe they could do as you've done, and suggest some particular activities, that they would enjoy.
No one in a two party relationship needs to be neurodivergent... for two people to have different attachment styles, love languages, etc.
Also, is it up to member one of the relationship to... figure out what member two ... wants?
Why is member two not responsible for understanding themself to the point they can describe what they want in a meaningfully precise way?
Is... member two... cognitively impaired?
Too shy to ... communicate?
Then they shouldn't be in a relationship.
I don't know why they downvotes. Parallel play isn't for everyone but it's a great idea to try, neurodivergent or not, to see if that satisfies both parties on feeling they spent some quality time together.
down votes because armchair diagnosing people is an asshole move. it's shitty and awful and people need to stop doing it.
you cannot diagnose people based on internet comments. you know who diagnoses people? professional therapists and psychologists.
I was on a date last month with a woman who seemed nice, then she started armchair diagnosing me when I was talking about my hobbies. So I basically told her I had to go, because it was so incredibly rude and arrogant and I want nothing to do with someone uses therapy talk when they are not a professional. Not to mention, it's a violation of professional ethics for therapists to diagnoses people who they are in personal relationships with.
It's basically the equivalent of being like "oh I'm tired today", "Oh you must have cancer! let me tell you how you need to go on this diet to fight it!'
Ah, I see. It was only a "you might" so I suppose I didn’t quite see it as diagnosing they way I am used to seeing it done from other post experiences. But, understandable.