this post was submitted on 16 May 2025

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When you are walking outside, do you often look around to make sure no one is following you? Do people normally do this, or am I just paranoid? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 day ago by throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Like usually every minute I'd quickly look around to make sure there aren't weirdos following me.

For context: I'm a young-adult male, but I don't exactly have training in martial arts or anything, so I'm every time I see anyone that looks "tough" I don't feel safe.

When I was a kid, my parents told me the usual "stranger danger" talk. Also in movies and tv, there are usualy a lot of plot involving peoppe getting followed, and the victim never looks back. In crime stories, and in the news, people usually become a victim if a bad person follows them home.

So when I went to school as a kid/teen, I'd always be scanning my surroundings like very often, especially when nearing home, I'd be like looking around every 20 seconds to see if there's weirdos following.

Even as a young adult, I kinda still have this instinct. I mean, we hear about crime everywhere. I don't exactly live in a "slum", but I live in a big city, and more people generally means more crime, and statistically, crime is sort of an issue where I live, I mean, it'a a city, you know how it is. This is in the US btw.

I don't carry a gun, don't wanna have intrusive thoughts about killing myself so I don't want that, so I carry pepper spray just in case.

I mean, I'm probably not gonna change my behavior, I think its good to be cautious, this question is just me trying to see if there's anyone else out there think thinks like me.

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[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I'm 99% of the time completely oblivious. There is absolutely no reason anyone would take any interest in me. I'm a completely nondescript guy and I'm almost never in shady areas. I'm either in a parking lot or a suburb or very public walking trails through the city. I always walk like I have a purpose. There's no reason anyone would even look twice at me and if they did there's almost always a bright, public place in full view a few steps away.

The only exception is when I'm walking some trails with my daughter. She is a little more independent and confident than I'd like. She is just fucking certain of anyone messed with her she'd fuck them up. Maybe. But I'd prefer a little more caution. So I keep an eye on things for her. It's not like it would be completely impossible to disappear someone from the city trails. I'm not worth the effort, but she could be.

On the contrary, on the road I'm always hyper aware. I always know who is in front of me, behind me, beside me. I always have an escape plan if there's a blowout or debris in the road ahead of me. I know who is a cop and who they are looking at.

Not sure why it's such a night and day difference, I just can't conceive of being in any personal danger when I'm walking around. Years ago, I took a stroll through downtown Bangkok at 3 in the morning. I probably wasn't as safe as I felt, but I felt pretty safe. I picked up on some shady shit in a nightclub there, but I'll never know if that was danger or paranoia. I definitely didn't leave my drink unattended. Didn't occur to look behind me after I left, but I wasn't alone and my attention was focused on her.

[–] Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe 2 points 20 hours ago

I suspect you have a similar awareness day-to-day as you do driving, it just makes sense that you wouldn't just "turn it on".

Then we're all wired different. I notice every damn detail of everything around me, it can be a little much at times, while none of my friends are like this (they're always surprised by the things I point out), and I have one brother who's like me.

This is probably why you don't consciously look around, it's already happening for you.

Glad to hear your daughter has a strong sense of herself, and confidence. It's how we'd like to see all kids develop. Though a healthy fear is good too - learning to listen to the fear signals from the old lizard brain, and assessing whether it's valid or just an old survival instinct over reacting.

Above I mentioned a book called The Gift of Fear. It's a good read on working with this instinctive fear reaction. The old lizard brain obviously worked for each of our forbears for generations (or we wouldn't be here), so there's something there - we just have to assess it well.