this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2026
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[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)

As a bi dude, I'm still down.

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Hey as long as we’ve got experts here, could a purely non binary person be considered gay or heterosexual in any configuration or are they always bisexual? Even if only as a limitation of the language?

To elaborate on that I am nonbinary and bisexual myself and without missing a beat it’s like every non-binary person I meet is also bisexual. And that’s all good and all feels very natural, and nobody should feel pressured to be anything else

But like, if I was trying to not be bisexual, what would that look that? Would I just start listing specific preferences and the orientation just wouldn’t have a particular name?

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago

I've seen several attempts at giving it a name over the years but none caught on. Especially since many nonbinary folk who aren't bi tend to lean toward one gender presentation over the other and will just use the orientation labels associated with that

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 4 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

I have no idea if it is proper, but I've always just used queer.

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

Doesn’t need to be proper! I use queer as well, it’s widely used in my in-person community. I tend to avoid using “queer” online sometimes just because it seems like it can still be a heavy word in other places, but it also seems like I’m seeing it used more often anyway

[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe gay if you're only into enbies?

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

I’ve considered that, and I agree in theory, but is that something that occurs on the level of sexual attraction?

In practice I feel like it’s a romantic quality, i.e. “since we are both non-binary, I feel we understand each other and I feel especially safe with you, and in fact this type of relationship is the only one I would want”,

I suppose in this manner you could easily be a gay demisexual enbie, but I wonder of the larger cohort of people who experience a more immediate sexual attraction

Again, not that it’s important to have this all ironed out neatly. I just feel like it hasn’t been ironed out neatly, you know?

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

That sounds closer to a non orientation based preference. Similar to people I know who only or preferentially date other trans people despite also being attracted to cis people aligned with their orientation. For many of them it's about not being comfortable displaying the level of vulnerability inherent to romance to someone who can't fully understand that aspect of them or who has that specific privilege over them.

The way I'd personally frame it is probably saying that you're enby4enby, just taking from the T4T terminology

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Hey thank you so much for responding! I really like this concept in the language of non-orientation based preferences colliding with traditional descriptions.

This is my first time ever seeing E4E considered, and you’re kind of blowing my mind! I think it works really well

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago

Glad to be of help!

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 2 points 21 hours ago

In practice I feel like it’s a romantic quality, i.e. “since we are both non-binary, I feel we understand each other and I feel especially safe with you, and in fact this type of relationship is the only one I would want”,

That does sound a lot like demisexual to me.

If you call yourself homosexual I worry that some people might misinterpret it and try and figure out a binary gender for you, which is unhelpful.

You could just say you're attracted to other enbies if someone asks? One word labels aren't always the most important thing.

[–] rants_unnecessarily@piefed.social 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

How about you stop force-labelling people and just love what you love and let others love without judgment?

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 0 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Oh, are you one of those people who just skim over random words from a paragraph and respond based on the vibe of what you think was said?

[–] rants_unnecessarily@piefed.social 0 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Nope. Responded to your whole message.
Please elaborate what you are hinting at.

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 0 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

There is no hinting. I am directly accusing you of interpretive cherry picking, with the added politeness of suggesting that it may be unintentional. I will continue to be polite in this fashion, although I have growing doubts as to your sincerity.

And that’s all good and all feels very natural, and nobody should feel pressured to be anything else

Since you read that, what about it sounded judgy and prescriptivist?

[–] rants_unnecessarily@piefed.social 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Ah. After writing my comment I thought that I should change "judgment" to "labelling".

By judgment I did not mean negative judging, but judging an orientation to everyone, which in retrospect I realise is not grammatically correct at all.

My point was, why must all orientations need labels?

[–] Carnelian@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

I see, thank you for clarifying

Continuing from this clarification, I have not suggested anything that anyone must do

As I reread my initial message and the many relaxed and positive replies from others, I feel like what I’m saying is clearly very different from your summary, which is what makes me believe we are experiencing some type of linguistic disconnect

[–] rants_unnecessarily@piefed.social 1 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

I may just be having a bad day. Sorry for the negativity.
Be awesome to each other!