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Lying, manipulating, bullshitting, etc.
If you do it, people adore you. If you don't, they hate you. I notice the most socially popular and adored people are the ones who do this the most.
Everyone says they hate it this type of think, but in behaviour they react very differently. I have even bullshitted and manipulated some folks, and it was terrifying how well it worked. They were like eating out of my hand and believing whatever stupid crap I told them.
Human psychology is terrifying.
As a professional salesperson, I can tell you don't worry, most other people are also terrible at bullshit and manipulation.
It comes down to this: Most people want to know what you want from them. We're social animals. Someone who seems self-sufficient reads as a potential threat. The best way to get people to do what you want is to tell them what you want in a way that makes sense to them, because then then can help you out and feel like you're connected to them.
This is where "lying" comes in, because the reasons you give them for what you want has to their reasons, not your reasons, and, frankly, a lot of people are a little crazy and want crazy things. You can't tell your alcoholic boss you're drowsy because you were up all night playing Zelda, you tell her you have a bit of a hangover. Either way, she'll tell you to drink a cup of coffee and get it together, but the former makes her trust you less and the latter trust you more.
This is a really good explanation. I should tell my kid this to help him with masking. And it'll be great when he tells the teacher he's hungover.
This is so weird to me. I Don't bullshit people or manipulate them. It would be exhausting, but I seem to make friends and acquaintances easily enough.
I live in a city full of tech bros and biotech bimbos. this is all they know from birth to grave.
they find the concept of someone being genuine and non-bullshitty very upsetting and weird. but if you talk to them in bullshit corpo self-branding speak, they are totally into you.
like I've had 'concerned friends' lecture me on how to bullshittify the way I talk so it's more socially acceptable. like using 'pivot' and 'synergize' when talking about myself, and of course constantly referencing my anxiety about my lack of 'productivity'. or to constantly reference 'how expensive' things in casual conservation to let everyone know I'm wealthy and successful... because if you aren't wealthy what is the point of even being alive?
also if you have a hobby, you can only talk about it reference to how it builds your career or it's your side hustle.
I would have no friends if those were the only kind of people I could find to talk to.
Cool. I'd rather have some friends than none. So I work with what's available.
You might be autistic
No. It has nothing to do with autism.
This fediverse's weird obsession with autism (or adhd) being the 'answer' for every social issue you face is mind-blowingly ignorant and stupid.
Unless you are professional diagnosed, you don't have autism. Your online quizzes and self-diagnoses are just excuses for you to justify your off-putting behaviour and interests. Like, wow you're into FOSS and obsessed with privacy and are a PC gamer... none of those make you autistic... it's your incessant mentioning of them and your superiority complex about them that turn people off.
Thank you, much better put than myself.
I see the psyop classifying anyone who hates the bullshit and lies corrupting modern society as autistic has fully paid off.
If you classify tactful social behavior as "lies and bullshitting" it probably IS spectrum related.
Not enjoying manipulative behaviours because of their wider negative implications on society is autistic? The Kool-Aid must taste real good.
Like I said, if you are applying the term "manipulative behaviors" (or lies or bullshitting) to generally tactful social behavior, that is consistent with ASD. If you mean lying, deceit, and gaslighting in a malicious way, OP is probably around toxic people because I think EVERYONE would agree that it is awful.
Maybe you ought to make sure you understand people's positions before you lash out, yeah?
None of what's OP wrote was alluding to "generally tactful social behaviour".
Maybe you should learn to read before you get all defensive, yeah?
I can read and understand nuance. Nothing about what OP said indicates what he is talking about ISNT that either. If you think everyone is lying and manipulative you are either surrounded by toxic people, OR you don't understand social interactions. Everyone who is socially successful is not being a manipulative liar.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/autism-spectrum-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352928
If you're having trouble seeing this, talk to your doctor. There is nothing wrong with playing by a different set of social rules unless you don't understand that you are.
Edit: Or maybe you're just an asshole. I can relate.
Yes but the default position should not automatically be "maybe you're on the spectrum".
Nice black OR white argument there. There are other possibilities such as the autism diagnosis being floated in everyday arguments to discredit people who see the uncomfortable truths with society and where that is leading us... Which was my point in fewer words.
You've even proven this hypothesis somewhat by suggesting I go see a doctor. Your immidate response to someone who disagreed with you was "might be autistic". All dressed up in nice placating words rather shorthand internet responses.
Perhaps neither of us are the true assholes...
I made that suggestion with the express purpose of being a dick.
I didn't get that point from your earlier comments, they seemed equally flippant as the guy who straight up says "maybe you're autistic". I can absolutely agree that in one-off circumstances in forums like Lemmy there are people who dismiss arguments by people who are passionate about things by calling them autistic. At the same time, there is a whole group of people I grew up with who have come to ADHD or ASD diagnoses as adults (not to mention some inlaws) and whose lives are easier now that they know that some of their foibles have well known treatments or coping mechanisms.
I think if you dismiss a majority of people as generally manipulative or poorly intentioned, there's a fair argument there for introspection.
I guess I should apologize because I came here looking for a fight. I have to take an old friend to her very last vet appointment in an hour or so.
You don't need to apologise, sorry to hear that.