this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2026
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[–] NotAnOtter@lemmus.org 2 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

It's always bothered me how incel's are discussed when really, the group they are referencing are often sexually active but just deeply misogynistic. Meanwhile many people who are closer to the 'forever alone' crowd deserve genuine sympathy. Being lonely sucks, and being unable to 'obtain' a partner is lonely.

Beyond that - some people will just throw out 'incel' as a catch all for "took issue with any pro-woman or pro-lgbt statement".

[–] beliquititious@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, incel today has more angry loner vibes than anything. It was never a really good term though because involuntary celibate is not an accurate way to describe either the modern chuds or the older /r/foreveralone community members. It's got misogyny baked right in because it externalizes the cause of isolation when in most cases those folks are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating.

The /r/foreveralone community had a somewhat derogatory term to describe it, terminally special. So many of the people who would come to the community looking for help or support would receive pretty excellent and sometimes very personalized advise and do nothing but explain how their specific circumstances meant they couldn't use dating apps or join a group around a hobby or whatever. They preferred to remain isolated rather than leave their comfort zone and where experts at making excuses.

Those folks are one of the reasons the red pill message was so successful in the community. It didn't require them to change anything about how they were approaching dating. It's picky women or alpha males or whatever and never themselves.

This reminds me of something I heard many years ago, "people love to hear good things about their bad habits." It unfortunately doesn't surprise me that red pill won out. Those who don't want to do and self work are prime targets. Those who are overwhelmed by the work but still are willing to do it, can still get sucked in. Humans are fascinating. Even if that fascination isn't all good.