this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2026
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GenZedong
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i think i was good at sloganeering and vulgar explanations that somewhat reach into the ‘correct direction’ for my friends.
at best, i definitely still was going counter to the worst anti-communist narratives and promoting somewhat correct narratives about AES or the real world (in things like historical description of AES like DPRK or USSR or PRC, at least helping them think of and follow regular logic regarding their operations rather than idealist or nonsensical capitalist propaganda).
my prayer is right direction, even if wrong, is okay, and course correction obviously will always be possible(?) i really just hope the foundation isn’t too rotten by my own oversights and holes in knowledge, but maybe i’m fretting for no reason if i could always just go back and totally amend those things.
i’m trying my very best not to feel super discouraged and anxious about poisoning others by my wrongness, and just assuring myself that a little in the right, and rare to find direction, is still meaningful especially for us for whom everything is so insular. it is just frustrating, so many of these days i hate having to feel as if i’ve restarted or know nothing and must begin again, even though it’s unequivocally true. but i have to hope that whatever minimal and odd progress i made was still progress with that friend, you know?
i rushed into getting my friend to understand and empathize with AES because that is what helped me best (combatting myths about AES so i could even entertain evil Stalinism). i won’t be mean to myself about that. i will focus on learning more myself. all is not lost, and that was still progress, however minimal, however childish i was then (forgivably so. and i have time and time ahead of me)