this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2026
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I usually go for pretty small stuff. Statute of limitations will probably run out before I rack up enough to hit felony level.
"What are you in for?"
"Felony bubble gum theft..."
Lol fair enough
"Bit off more than you could chew, eh? Still, I like your gumption. I could use a man of your talents... And perhaps you could use a bit of 'job security', once you're out of here. 'Who's asking'? Well, son, you're looking at the mastermind behind the Great Maple Syrup Heist. That's right. It was almost perfect, but as you can see, things got sticky in the end. But this next job will be different. You got your start stealing candy from babies, just like everybody else, didn't you? Well, imagine stealing the candy before the baby even got it! Uh huh. So... I may or may not have come into possession of reliable intel about the Easter Bunny's secret stash... We're talking enough chocolate here to make each of us billionaires, once it's melted down, and minted into fresh, clean, completely untraceable chocolate coins. So, what do you say... are you in?"