this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2026
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9/11 was pretty bad.
But seriously... I had a first date with a vegetarian and she knew of this great restaurant in a trendy part of town. I love trying new food, and was excited for this restaurant. While looking over the menu the Portabella Burger spoke to me, so I ordered it and it was incredible. We had good conversation and we were getting along fairly well. We went for a walk around the area and that's when I discovered that my body does not handle large amounts of mushrooms very well. I immediately bloated full of gas, and I could tell it was going to be nasty. My focus immediately was 100% on holding it in... the conversation began to suffer because I couldn't think of anything to talk about, and had a hard time focusing on what she was talking about. I just wanted the date to end. I eventually came up with what was likely a very lame excuse to end the date. I waddled back to my car and then had the longest drive home. I never heard from her after that.
Damn that sucks. Shoulda just been honest. "Look, something about that portabella must not be agreeing with me. I might have a huge fart coming, but I don't want it to distract me from what you're saying. I'll try to let it out quietly if I can, but if it catches me off guard, please forgive me if I let one rip. I'll try to give you a warning so you can stand upwind."
NEVER TRUST A FART. I've been married for decades and I don't let rip unless I know what's up. never, ever just trust a fart.
Listen to mr conductor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raP1AeV68rA
Okay then, in that case the commenter should tell his date that he has bubble guts and needs to go home early but that he had fun and would like to go out again next week or sometime.
The point is that trying to play it off and ending up seeming to shut down suddenly and then suffer through for a bit before inexplicably leaving early is way worse than simply being honest even if it might sound disgusting.
If she's grossed out by farts or doesn't want to date you again because something you ate gave you diarrhea, then she's not marriage material. How do you expect that to go when you're living together for the rest of your lives?
Gas anxiety is just dating over 40. Even if things go as well as possible... especially if they go well... you go home, you fuck for hours, you collapse in a sweaty heap too tired to shower...
There's like a solid 30% chance the booze and sudden unusual food will result in sleep farts. You just have to hope the other party is tired enough to sleep through it.
oh my dude, you should have just told her later