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You need to rebuild that trust that was destroyed by the cheating and the breakup. You should also have a long talk with your boyfriend about any unhealed wounds from that time. If you're going to make it work, a lot of communication needs to happen and keep happening. It sounds like you made a good first step by identifying part of the reason you cheated and fixing it!
I'm a bit concerned about this. These are natural parts of a breakup and really aren't good reasons to get back together, since it could just as easily be an inability to get over each other. Also seeing your comment in reply to another
It gets more concerning. It sounds like both of you want to stay together because you don't want to be alone. A healthy relationship is one that all parties can leave at any moment but choose to stay because they want to. You don't want it to be like an addiction where you say you can quit anytime but really you can't because you won't be able to handle the withdrawal.
I think a healthy mindset for this is that being single is ok. Breaking up will be ok, eventually. I'm not saying you should break up and be single, but just you should be aware that if you're wondering why you're putting up with your boyfriend, it's because he's adding more than being single (with friends and maybe casual sex) can to your life. If that's ever not true, run.
I want to add some other context, so this boy is just a great person. He is the one that got e t quit, he worked overtime to pay for my rehab at a nice in person cent and I loved it so much it's what got me to quit and I still have friends from there. He help tutor kids he is just good.
He also has not had a great life, he has moderately wealthy parents but they were obsessed with making him earn everything. They made him get a job at age 15, that doesn't sound too bad but this job was installing hvac systems uner houses in the california summer. He had to crawl under houses deal with hvac tubing insulation and yes bugs and snakes. Also his dad died as a teenager
The reason I bring this up is because I have as I gotten sober did more thinking on the world and doing the work to make a change. The thing I hate most about life is bad people win, Trump,Elon Musk,Jeff Bezos the works. I feel by making the small sacrifice of having a sub optimal relationship dynamic I am making it so that for once the good guy wins.
Again I have not always been the best girlfriend or even person. I was an addict I stole and sold to support my habit I cheated on him several times I was hypocritical not letting him watch porn while I cheated on him was sexually stingey .
I feel I have something to make up for and I will not run I will face the consequences of my actions
Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women, I am taking on that burden to make it up to him
Ok this is definitely a troll post.
That is objectively correct, do you really want to dispute this basic fucking fact ? Yikes just Yikes
It sounds like you've found a great guy, I can understand why you wouldn't want to let him go. I hope he sees just as much greatness in you.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, but if this is what you both want then give the relationship dynamic (not the fire thing) a try. I also can't help but notice that all of your examples of bad people are in the USA -- you might find a more optimistic outlook in Europe or in other developed countries.
Please don't ever believe this. It's just internalized misogyny. If you're in a relationship where you're giving more than you're getting, that's a horrible relationship and you should leave.
I find this accusation funny because I am a feminist and I used to be misandrist in that sort of tumbler way I didn't like mean it but I said a lot of stuff that hurt him and of course I cheated.
I think this lead to me self sabotaging our relationship because I loved him but felt like showing it was selling out. I did a lot of stupid stuff like the no porn rue, I said that I preferred penises larger then his in front of him to a friend (I was lying and I apologized afterwards) and I even tried charging him for sex because I felt men didn't appreciate a woman's value and I was a big believer in that dworkin quote that a husband is basically a john.
How you can be for equality of sexes yet still think one's benefits are more important than another in a relationship? I'm mansplaining and gatekeeping feminism to a woman on the internet. Wow, you got me, I am definitely an asshole.
You also might want to reflect on how all of the things you describe in this paragraph would actually qualify as emotional abuse of your boyfriend, not self-sabotage. This is really dangerous because getting back together with your boyfriend might make you both fall into your old ways, which can include the addiction and the abuse. I hope you've recovered enough for that to not happen.
Anyway, I'm going to stop talking before I make more of an ass of myself. Just know that there's always people you can reach out to if you need help or for a random chat on the internet. I should go to bed. Goodnight.