this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2025
-39 points (10.2% liked)

Ask Lemmy

32500 readers
1917 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Ok so I cheated on my boyfriend, it was sporadic here and there it was largely due to my xan addiction but I have kicked that and been cali sober for a few years. Speaking of Cali, my boyfriend inherited a house in the San Jose Valley, it's a nice house pool 3 stories counting basement it cost like a lot even though in Ohio it would be 300k max.

So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to. I have a ton of stuff planned but what do you suggest in terms of things to do and mindset to have ?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] NGnius@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago (6 children)

You need to rebuild that trust that was destroyed by the cheating and the breakup. You should also have a long talk with your boyfriend about any unhealed wounds from that time. If you're going to make it work, a lot of communication needs to happen and keep happening. It sounds like you made a good first step by identifying part of the reason you cheated and fixing it!

So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to

I'm a bit concerned about this. These are natural parts of a breakup and really aren't good reasons to get back together, since it could just as easily be an inability to get over each other. Also seeing your comment in reply to another

Also we don’t want to break up. I have been through so much with him and he has done so much for me. He likewise knows that dating is hard especially where we live it’s not like he has girls sliding into his dms to replace me.

It gets more concerning. It sounds like both of you want to stay together because you don't want to be alone. A healthy relationship is one that all parties can leave at any moment but choose to stay because they want to. You don't want it to be like an addiction where you say you can quit anytime but really you can't because you won't be able to handle the withdrawal.

I think a healthy mindset for this is that being single is ok. Breaking up will be ok, eventually. I'm not saying you should break up and be single, but just you should be aware that if you're wondering why you're putting up with your boyfriend, it's because he's adding more than being single (with friends and maybe casual sex) can to your life. If that's ever not true, run.

[–] IloveyouMF@lemmy.world -5 points 1 day ago (5 children)

I want to add some other context, so this boy is just a great person. He is the one that got e t quit, he worked overtime to pay for my rehab at a nice in person cent and I loved it so much it's what got me to quit and I still have friends from there. He help tutor kids he is just good.

He also has not had a great life, he has moderately wealthy parents but they were obsessed with making him earn everything. They made him get a job at age 15, that doesn't sound too bad but this job was installing hvac systems uner houses in the california summer. He had to crawl under houses deal with hvac tubing insulation and yes bugs and snakes. Also his dad died as a teenager

The reason I bring this up is because I have as I gotten sober did more thinking on the world and doing the work to make a change. The thing I hate most about life is bad people win, Trump,Elon Musk,Jeff Bezos the works. I feel by making the small sacrifice of having a sub optimal relationship dynamic I am making it so that for once the good guy wins.

Again I have not always been the best girlfriend or even person. I was an addict I stole and sold to support my habit I cheated on him several times I was hypocritical not letting him watch porn while I cheated on him was sexually stingey .

I feel I have something to make up for and I will not run I will face the consequences of my actions

Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women, I am taking on that burden to make it up to him

[–] FreedomAdvocate 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women

Ok this is definitely a troll post.

[–] IloveyouMF@lemmy.world -5 points 1 day ago

That is objectively correct, do you really want to dispute this basic fucking fact ? Yikes just Yikes

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)