Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
I’ll go with 40.
When we did things with other parents we were invariably the oldest in the room. Not a blocker but it’s harder to be part of that community. I went to school with a kid from a very large family whose parents were older and they never did fit with other parents.
But the biggest thing is energy. As a Dad, I took a big part of my role to be active involvement. To keep up with toddler energy while also handling logistics. To jump into physical playtime or homework after a days work. to be always ready for the adventure, the sport, the activity. My crowning achievement was getting up at first cry so my wife could sleep, throwing the little one into a backpack, and doing a predawn hike to give his first bottle at sunrise on top of a mountain.
What was I saying? Oh energy. Now that my kids are in college, I’m old enough to make it difficult to keep up. I got my littlest into hiking but now I can’t go 5 miles without my knees killing me. Meanwhile he’s sending pictures back 15 miles in.
But seriously, energy. Now after a full days work I just want to get home and sit. Vegetate. It’s getting much harder to stir up the passion to join them whether for a video game, hone improvement, or even take them to an ice cream stand
I realize your mileage will vary, greatly, but I just don’t have the energy to be actively involved with kids anymore. They grew up just in time. But that active involvement, again doesn’t have to be physical but active participation , makes parenting so rewarding for both you and them. You don’t want to miss it. Kids aren’t goldfish where you can sit back in your chair and watch the aquarium but they shine ever brighter when you’re in there with them. You’re not a simple babysitter where you just make sure they survive, but it’s so much more rewarding as a parent to be there, do stuff, keep up.
But you have a different scenario with a large age gap. You’re at a great age for becoming a parent so don’t let age stop you. Medically it should be fine (statistically). You should be fine. But be aware that your husband may no longer have the energy or as much involvement as he would have a decade or two earlier. Both he and your child will miss out and likely you will face more of the burdens alone. But it is what it is. Life doesn’t always deal a straight flush and you have to play the hand you’re dealt.