this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2025
602 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

19022 readers
1644 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] PhilipTheBucket@piefed.social 241 points 2 months ago (5 children)

“Since there was no human driver, a ticket couldn’t be issued (our citation books don’t have a box for “robot”),” reads the post.

The department said that it had alerted Waymo of the glitch

That's not how it fucking works

How have you guys not bothered to prepare for this? It's not the cop's fault, but it is not a secret that there are Waymo cars in San Francisco. How is this something that nobody thought of?

Last year, California governor Gavin Newsom signed into law a bill that allows police officers to issue a “notice of noncompliance” if a driverless car breaks traffic laws. The law goes into effect in July 2026.

Oh, pardon me. So you're on top of it.

The bill was introduced by assemblymember Phil Ting of San Francisco amid several incidents in the city, including driverless cars blocking traffic, dragging a pedestrian, interfering with firetrucks, and entering active crime scenes.

And your plan was to call up Waymo and ask them politely to improve their tech please? Or, that becomes the plan as of 2026?

With the new law, first responders can order a company to move autonomous vehicles out of an area, and the company has two minutes to direct its cars to leave or avoid that area.

The San Bruno police department, in response to people who believed officers were being lenient, reaffirmed: “There is legislation in the works that will allow officers to issue the company notices.”

My guy these cars went on the road EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO

The big invasion of Ukraine was years in the future, Covid hadn't happened and wasn't going to any time soon, Obama had just stepped down, CALIFORNIA EXPLAIN

[–] GrabtharsHammer@lemmy.world 178 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Dude, you can't just penalize a corporation. That would be commiesocialism or something.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 55 points 2 months ago (2 children)

According to the government, "Corporations are people too."

[–] Inucune@lemmy.world 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'll believe a corporation is a person when The Texas department of corrections executes one.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'll believe a corporation is a person when one is successfully murdered. I don't care who does it.

[–] Paragone@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Herds/corporations dissipate: only individuals can truly-die.

Groups have been hiding that pertinent-fact from discussion for ages, now..

It's time that we created legally-distinct categories for those who are only aggregates, like herds/corporations, vs individuals-who-can-die.

That'd take spine, though, which politics-the-arena weeds-out/prevents-from-having-any-say.

_ /\ _

[–] rafoix@lemmy.zip 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And just like real people. They’re dead when they have no more money.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And yet, they can sell their debt

[–] rafoix@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

That’s only because the liberals government took away Americans’ right to buy and sell people. Gotta bundle debt and people together for good business.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 1 points 2 months ago

Republicans love to point to those days to claim they're not racist today

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 1 points 2 months ago

Back then, both in the US and the UK, the liberal philosophers of the times considered it an infringement on property rights to restrict the buying and selling of slaves. Liberalism: A Counter-History goes over the debates at the time.

[–] PhilipTheBucket@piefed.social 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You wouldn't molotovcocktail a car (just because it's putting everyone's safety at risk simply by existing)

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

Surely there is a leftist or unhoused person that could be scapegoated and punished for this.

[–] tidderuuf@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I believe the federal gubment just declared being anti capitalism is considered an act of terror or something.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago

If FDR was still alive, they'd execute him for "terrorism"

[–] KeenFlame@feddit.nu 1 points 2 months ago

But exactly! You guys wanted hypercapitalism, now you complain?

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Just tell the cops they're allowed to stab the tires and have it towed. The problem will fix itself one way or another.

[–] PhilipTheBucket@piefed.social 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

You've got the right spirit but I think it's unlikely that the car would realize its tires have been destroyed, I think it would just keep driving around just with less control over its actions which might not be the best.

Give them a little hand-carried version of The Grappler, and then if Waymo has some kind of concern about what has happened to the brakes and suspension and all sorts of shit that is broken now, just give 'em one of these.

[–] Pappabosley@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago

I'm not going to stop you, but the car definitely knows the tyre status. Most modern cars have tyre pressure sensing.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Naw. Cone ‘em and then tow them- at owner’s expense.

[–] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 3 points 2 months ago

If the waymo hadnt been painted white they would have unloaded a clip into it instead

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago

The state’s allowed to ban the company from the roads if they bother too many people or officials—a fairly enormous stick.

Make the whole world’s governments mad? Investors won’t be too happy. Huggge stick.

It does break from our “one immediate fine/ticket for one infraction” paradigm so I understand why it looks bad.

Gosh can you imagine if they drop our numbers from ~seven Californians killed on our roads every day to [far] fewer… (guy can dream, obvy they’re not perfect)

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

“Since there was no human driver, a ticket couldn’t be issued (our citation books don’t have a box for “robot”),” reads the post.

Did nobody think to just write "waymo" and use the company HQ as the driver's address?

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

Better yet, ask the waymo car for a drivers license. None present? Impound.

[–] StaticFalconar@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You finally found out how long it takes to get laws into effect bro.

[–] PhilipTheBucket@piefed.social 0 points 2 months ago

Obama was elected in 2008 and took office in 2009. The biggest overhaul to American health care since FDR went into effect on March 23, 2010, and that was with the US congress involved, which always inevitably turns everything into more of a shit show than it needs to be.

You can do it, you just have to be something other than dysfunctional wreckage to do it.

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 months ago

The government is great