Not The Onion

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Maxwell House to rebrand as Maxwell Apartment (www.gcrmag.com)

submitted 4 weeks ago by return2ozma@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[–] iamdefinitelyoverthirteen@lemmy.world 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

So if I start drinking this swill, instead of fancy lattes, I'll be able to afford everything, right?

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Shut up and eat your protein bricks and get back to work. You're not being not paid to ponder things.

[–] iamdefinitelyoverthirteen@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Will I be able to afford a house before I turn 70?

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

If you accrue enough PeasantPoints™ you can cash them in for up an hour each week of House Premium, a virtual home-like experience delivered streaming directly to your government-supplied headset, delight in the following virtual experiences:

Dry floors and a roof!
Windows with view of tree!
Dog!
Chair-like fixtures!
No ants!