this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2025
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Ok so I cheated on my boyfriend, it was sporadic here and there it was largely due to my xan addiction but I have kicked that and been cali sober for a few years. Speaking of Cali, my boyfriend inherited a house in the San Jose Valley, it's a nice house pool 3 stories counting basement it cost like a lot even though in Ohio it would be 300k max.

So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to. I have a ton of stuff planned but what do you suggest in terms of things to do and mindset to have ?

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[–] Geodad@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

TBH, you sound like a gold digger. He would do well to NOT get back with you.

[–] IloveyouMF@lemmy.world -5 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

A gold digger would not give her boyfriend 25% of her monthly income.

[–] Geodad@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

That's irrelevant. He got a sizable inheritance then you're trying to get back with him. That's hella sus.

[–] CocaineShrimp@lemm.ee 36 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Being honest - it doesn't sound like you love him, but rather want to stay in his nice house.

Regardless of if you love him or not, that trust that's needed for a stable, long-term relationship has been obliterated. Every single thing you do will be questioned, outloud or at least subconsciously. That is not going to be good for a healthy relationship.

I'd suggest that if you want to be in a happy and healthy relationship, it's probably a good idea to move on from this one. Take time to reflect and ask yourself why you cheated on this guy - obviously you were unhappy enough to seek someone else, but what made you unhappy in the first place? It could be something about them, but it could be something about yourself too - in which case, you might want to talk to a therapist

If you did want to get back with your ex, I'd suggest giving him space and letting him decide if he wants to come back to the table, and when he wants to. If you seriously like him, don't see anyone else until he decides what he wants to do; but put a time limit on it for your own sanity. Then, after the time is up, give up on the relationship and move on. Tell a friend of yours about your plan so they can help keep you accountable in case you may not be in the right frame of mind

[–] Fletcher@lemmy.today 6 points 1 day ago

Totally agree with this assessment and this advice. Well said!

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Either this is a bit or America is cooked.

[–] IloveyouMF@lemmy.world -5 points 1 day ago

why would America be cooked ?

What is even wrong with what we are doing >

[–] FreedomAdvocate 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Once a cheater always a cheater. You’ll do it again.

Also sounds like you’re just wanting his house. I hope he doesn’t take you back, honestly.

Edit: OP does onlyfans too…..yeah nah just leave the poor guy alone.

[–] Doorbook@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] IloveyouMF@lemmy.world -4 points 14 hours ago

Are you a woman ?

Ok find a random male friend in your contacts or your snapchat and offer to be their girlfriend and if they say yes you wll give them money and sex. He will say yes. Everyone loves money men love sex

[–] NGnius@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You need to rebuild that trust that was destroyed by the cheating and the breakup. You should also have a long talk with your boyfriend about any unhealed wounds from that time. If you're going to make it work, a lot of communication needs to happen and keep happening. It sounds like you made a good first step by identifying part of the reason you cheated and fixing it!

So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to

I'm a bit concerned about this. These are natural parts of a breakup and really aren't good reasons to get back together, since it could just as easily be an inability to get over each other. Also seeing your comment in reply to another

Also we don’t want to break up. I have been through so much with him and he has done so much for me. He likewise knows that dating is hard especially where we live it’s not like he has girls sliding into his dms to replace me.

It gets more concerning. It sounds like both of you want to stay together because you don't want to be alone. A healthy relationship is one that all parties can leave at any moment but choose to stay because they want to. You don't want it to be like an addiction where you say you can quit anytime but really you can't because you won't be able to handle the withdrawal.

I think a healthy mindset for this is that being single is ok. Breaking up will be ok, eventually. I'm not saying you should break up and be single, but just you should be aware that if you're wondering why you're putting up with your boyfriend, it's because he's adding more than being single (with friends and maybe casual sex) can to your life. If that's ever not true, run.

The way you wrote this sounds sus. It sounds like you suddenly want to get back with him because he got a huge house in cali.