Ask Lemmy

Inspire, maybe, just by pointing out someone's behavior in as gentle a way as possible. Although the effectiveness will very from person to person.

Teach, definitely not. Repeating what you're told to think, say or do is a fairly opposite thing.

Important caveats:

Best of luck.

I would start with a mindfulness practice.

"Change always comes too late" (Star Trek - Picard iirc)

You need to account for digestion. Put your best efforts in, and provide the right situation for growth. Wait the appropriate amount of time, and then some.

Think, grandparents say profound shit that doesn't germinate with every grandchild until they're long gone and then some. Not everyone is a timely learner.

You convince/show someone something majorly difficult/annoying/hurtful they have been dealing with comes from themselves and their confusion that they never realized, and that usually starts the spark of doubt regarding self-knowledge that brings about self-discovery/actualisation. Idk if you can do more for them... God gave us all the tools, but it's your choice to use them.

Short answer, yes, it can be learned and taught, but the person has to be willing to put in even a bare minimum of effort. If your friend isn't willing to even consider the possibility of trying something new, they are stuck, unless something changes.

They are angry at how their life ended up, but can't see how or why they got there, as it relates to their own actions. It's all someone and something else's fault.

This sounds like a form of blame-shifting, which is a super toxic trait. Here's a list I found for you in a web search of some of the possible reasons someone does this:

Low Self-Esteem – Those with a fragile self-image may deflect blame to protect their sense of self-worth.
Fear of Failure – Admitting mistakes can feel overwhelming, leading some to shift responsibility elsewhere.
Lack of Accountability – Some individuals were never taught to take responsibility, often due to permissive parenting or a lack of consequences.
Narcissistic Tendencies – Those with narcissistic traits may believe they’re incapable of being at fault.
Learned Behavior – If blame shifting was modeled during childhood, it can become a default coping mechanism.
Avoidance of Shame – For some, experiencing shame feels unbearable, so they will do anything to avoid it.
Control Issues – Blame shifting can be a way to manipulate situations and maintain control.
Cognitive Dissonance – It can be easier to blame others than to confront inconsistencies between one’s actions and self-image.

All this is to say - there is no one-size-fits-all answer here.

One common option others have already recommended is mindfulness meditation. Practicing focusing your attention on something, then when your mind wanders, notice that and bring your attention back to what you were originally focusing on. Keep doing that for 10 minutes per day (ideally) or even once per week for weeks, months, years.

This and other mindfulness exercises can help someone learn to recognize to accept the world around them as it is, view themselves and others with non-judgment, and practice gratitude and forgiveness.

I'd be interested to hear if you offered to do this with your friend whether he'd be willing to try.

Sometimes it can begin as empathy. As simple as "how would YOU feel if someone else did/said that?"

Of course, most people without much self awareness choose to be that way and will rarely thank you for helping them. Just be cautious, especially if they are in a position of power.

If they're a Sociopath, Narcissist or Psychopath, don't even bother. It's not worth the effort to come to the conclusion that you can't change them.

Mediation seems like a good place to start.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC7xzavzEKY

Plant the seeds of thought. Encourage someone who is receptive to you, to practice always asking 'why' and trying to find those answers. When they have a question, help them walk through reasoning to find the answers instead of giving the answer, yourself.

Most importantly, you cannot change someone's mind if you are not their friend first. Sometimes that's up to the other person to want to be there in the first place.

Sorry, word soup but wanted to chime in. A number of people like to spend time around me because I encourage them to think through difficult problems and celebrate their victories.

By pausing the student in the middle of acting and having her reflect on the why of her action.