I’m a Tenno, good luck everybody else!
this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2026
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Disco Elysium: I'm hungover, I threaten to kill myself for information, I don't remember anything from last night. I'm doing fine.
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Completely fucked. I'm the sole survivor of a crash and stuck on 4546B.
Balatro for me so bankrupt
Aloy is a badass and anyone talking shit about the peach fuzz on my face can eat an arrow
Oh crap, I’m now a Void Elf mage in world of Warcraft. Actually I’m probably pretty good, every time I die in get resurrected and I’ve got a great ass, so cool. I’m also now a woman, so I don’t know if that’s gonna be like a reverse gender disphoria thing or not.
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Oh, great. I'm a pig farmer called Dink Smallwood.
Fields of Mistria, so a quaint town where I've got a shot with a witch that's very femme and domme coded. Hell yeah
Palworld, not really sure how fucked i would be, but i did anger a big grassy elephant and got the shit stomped out of me the first time i played it and even with all the knowledge there are so many ways to die on the island, burning, electrocution, freezing or just ripped apart by wolves or blown up by exploding bees...
Ramza from FFT power leveled to 99 with the Summoner job maxed. I just finished the power leveling last night.
Yup. I'm good with that.
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The Ascent. I am now an indentured servant sanitation worker with a poor sense of self-preservation, but just so happens to be really good with a gun. Oh, and the arcology that is my home has been thrown into complete pandemonium because the head Corpo AGI shit the bed.
Well, Vegas wait for me, 'cause the fucking mailman with brain damage and a apple watch who can fucking pause time is comming to clean up your fucking cassinos...
There's a little known record of a man named Henry during the medieval period of Bohemia who, one day, went absolutely mad, started talking to everyone while picking flowers repeatedly until he couldn't carry any more because it was "legge day" and turned to alchemy. He apparently kept drinking a type of schnapps that he claimed would "keep him alive forever".
The factory must grow.
There are no main characters in Rimworld, but I now very, very worry for my organs. The only grace is, I play my colonies as nicely to everyone is possible, so I just hope I'm one of those nice successful ones, that is friendly to everyone, and is swimming in silver selling beer, lavish meals, and drugs to everyone around. And not one of the hundreds died of a mad squirrel scratch in the first quadrum
Helldivers II.
Im Helldivers II levels of fucked.
Doom Eternal. On the one hand it's literal hell on earth, on the other — Doomguy seems to be some sort of rage god. I'd say my chances are quite fair to say the least.
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Escape Room Simulator...
I'd be stuck in escape rooms forever
Brotato. Ummm, I think I'm in trouble..
Megaman Zero, so I’m awesome, but fucked.
Slay the Spire. Gonna totally die trying to force a claw build.
Claw is Law
Bg3. Guess I have brain worms, which is on brand
Tears of the Kingdom, so if you'll excuse me I have to go build a wacky contraption.
Elden Ring… Idk if i could force myself to eat a raw dragon heart but without dragon communion spells, I know I’ll die much more frequently
I was playing jackbox games with friends.
So....I'm Cookie the announcer now?
On one side I become a young girl with a large debt to pay or I’ll be homeless if I don’t pay each week.
On the other side I can pay the mortgage in just one month reselling stuff, sometimes at 200% of the base price.
Capitalism, Ho!
Been playing Suzerain as a socialist President.. it has been so nice and has genuinely brought a smile to my face reading some of the in game news articles of my choices.
Tap for spoiler
The Radical is not as radical as I thought in the beginning of the game. It’s like if Jeff Bezos bought the NYT in the in-game world. I rolled my eyes so hard after they had been agreeing with me the few hours I had in it, before that article that disagreed with my decision made me wonder who was running it!
Death's Door. A cute game with beautiful, but somber and hostile, environments. I'm probably fucked.
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Skyrim.
Oh yeah, the world is going to fear my stealth archery powers.
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Fire emblem three houses. So pretty awesome as lady Byleth, depending on the choice i make. But no matter what im a super powered advisor to a world leader witha hit girlfriend (Dorothea).
Monster Hunter World. Assuming I have the physical abilities of a hunter, I'd do alright. If not, then I'm fucked
Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne.
I think being the protag is arguably the best scenario here, assuming I survive the tutorial. The rest of y'all are very fucked, though.
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Stellar Blade, and I am definitely not mad about it