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Scenario: It's night, and a man is walking home. He sees ahead there is a woman going in the opposite direction as him. Knowing not to stop or approach her, but his presence makes her nervous. What would help further in this scenario if anything?

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[–] titanicx@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 hours ago

I suggest rubbing your hands together and winking as often as possible while breathing heavily.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 9 points 23 hours ago

I usually just say something like "good evening" and continue walking and you immediately see the other person relax.

Just be polite and ignore them, I guess

[–] TheMinister@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Does anyone remember that Vine where the guy is filming himself walking at night and says “oh there’s a woman walking alone up there. I better catch up to her and let her know I’m not a threat” as he starts sprinting? Damn vine used to be fun

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works -3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] remon@ani.social 2 points 7 hours ago

Agree, Jimmy Carr absolutely nails them!

[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

People can pick up a lot of information from someone they see walking towards them. They can tell by your gait, your body movements, and facial expressions (if you're close enough to see them) whether you might be a threat or not. As a man in this situation who has never and will never be a threat to women I think that comes across in subtle ways without having to say a word. And since someone I didn't know at a party came up to me and said I had the kindest face they've ever seen, that also works in my favor. When we finally pass each other I always say hello and smile and keep on walking. And if you do see a woman walking towards you don't do anything stupid like slow down or stop or walk with your head down with your hands in your pockets.

Don't try to chat up women at night. There is no scenario of a strange man being interested in me while it's dark that I'll be receptive to. It's impossible for your line to be so good I'll stop seeing you as dangerous.

[–] veniasilente@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Ignore and carry on with your life.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

I'm a very large bearded guy with perpetual asshole face. I've learned that the best thing to do is whip out my phone and study it assiduously and make sure not even look in her direction while we pass. It works quite well. Everyone who knows me knows that I am definitely not a danger, but I sure as shit look like one.

[–] CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today 11 points 1 day ago

If the woman is uncomfortable she can alter her path. I've been that woman before but have rarely felt uncomfortable enough to cross the street or whatever. I just keep walking and either ignore or give a pleasant nod to the man to let him know I'm chill and not scared and we're two normal innocuous people passing each other.

Maybe twice in my life my spidey senses tingled and I changed my path and got out of there. Our instincts protect us.

[–] zen@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 day ago

Make eye contact, smile widely, and enthusiastically extend my hand so she knows I'm not a threat.

No, I actually just keep walking, not altering my path. Occasionally will give them a nod, just like I'd give anyone.

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

Ignore her like anyone else and let her decide on her own comfort zone walking by you? If some one sees you walking alone, and starts altering their behavior because of your presence, whatever their intention, it sends the message that you have been noticed, you are being watched, they are reacting to your presence, and this indicates some kind of interest or goal in an interaction.

So just keep waking, if she wants to cross the street, just ignore her. Definitely don't yell "It's okay I'm not a rapist!" or "I have a girlfriend already!", just let her do her thing, and you keep doing yours.

[–] dethedrus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I just wave and go on my business. Unless they have a dog, in which case I say 'sup dawg' because that's what I do for all 3 dimensional dogs.

[–] Uli@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And for 4 dimensional dogs?

[–] dethedrus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago

Since they're moving through time, I view them as a flipbook version of the 3 dimensional version, thus they also deserve a 'sup.

If you're referring to a dogserract, that's above my pay grade.

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Take a step or two to the side if able, otherwise just try to get past without eye contact. I worry more about coming up behind them and say good evening to let them know I'm there.

[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Coming up behind them is the worst. Especially if you're close. I always wait until there's a good distance between us before I start walking.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 30 points 2 days ago (2 children)
  1. Make eye contact. No eye contact is creepy. It's best to err on the side of more, rather than less, eye contact, because you probably don't make enough.
  2. Pick up the pace. If you're walking slowly, it's going to look like you're trying to prolong the encounter, so go at least at a trot.
  3. Hands are threatening, so keep one or both behind your back to prevent spooking her.
  4. Smile! You look prettier that way. Two birds with one stone here: if you keep a smile on your face, you'll look less threatening, and you can tell her to smile to inform her that you want her to be happy.
  5. Pay her a compliment to put her at ease. Something non-sexual like, "you have beautiful teeth."
  6. It will be clear you're not a threat if she knows you've got something else. You could communicate that you're going home to eat by licking your lips. Make some smacking noises too, if it's dark.
  7. Clothes conceal threats, so take yours off.

HTH

[–] ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It’s almost the same if you’re a woman and see a man who’s looking a little skittish

  1. Unbuckle your teeth, nobody like a tight toother
  2. Tie one leg behind your back and strap on something and pop it in your shoe
  3. Wave both hands in the air in a jazz fashion so they can see you coming
  4. Say something normative like mshnklfcknwoshlstf
  5. You can communicate by sucking in your lips and pretending you don’t have any
  6. If possible wear the skin of the last man you crossed
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[–] majster@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

See a woman in distance. Puts hands behind his back (could be a weapon). Picks up the pace. Looks straight into the eyes, lock on, force a smile so you look like a psycho and say: you have beautiful theeth.

If she doesn't call the police or starts screaming then you surely didn't follow all the points.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 11 points 2 days ago

Calling the police is normal, as it helps her to feel safer. Don't worry, this is a synergistic response to the situation.

HTH

[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I usually turn around and start walking backwards, peeking quickly over my shoulder and looking increasingly worried because she's chasing ME and she's getting closer!

Don't make women the victim; be a gentleman and YOU be the victim.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I usually turn around and start walking backwards,

lol I imagined you walking backwards literally, maintaining the original direction after turning around

[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago

That is good because that's what I meant!

[–] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 119 points 2 days ago (19 children)

As a woman, seriously, just give me the bro nod to acknowledge that I exist but am not that interesting to you and keep walking. If you go out of your way to show that you aren't a threat now I'm thinking you're a threat, and if you pointedly ignore me now I'm wondering if you are actually far more interested in me than you should be but you want me not to notice.

Brief eye contact while acknowledging that I exist tells me you aren't afraid of me remembering your face but that you aren't being weird and staring or trying to hide from me.

[–] TipRing@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Bro nod and a howdy or evenin' are what I usually go with. I am usually walking with my husband though (we are both dudes) and my guy is scary-looking so if someone (man, woman or other) crosses to avoid us I fully understand and respect the situational awareness.

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

If this isn't a wrong answers only question:

I would be more comfortable if the guy gave me space, but as long as you are not accosting me, a "good evening" and keep going is fine.

If it's wrong answers only, choose any of the walks from the ministry of silly walks Monty Python sketch.

[–] normalentrance@lemmy.zip 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Mind your business and keep walking. Don't be weird and stare. Maybe smile, nod your head, or say hello -- again if you can be normal. In any case keep walking.

[–] zqps@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This would be maybe normal here if it's not too late and it's a small town or neighborhood. In the major city I live in, I guarantee women prefer to be soundly ignored by any men passing by, since even during daytime you only talk to people you already know or have business with.

[–] Mannimarco@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Just act like a normal person, jesus christ

As much as this is the right answer, I understand where OP is coming from.

OP: to expand: you're not responsible for other people's fears or phobias. The best thing you can do is exactly that: nothing, just act as if the person were a guy you don't know. Trying to "prove" you're not a threat is exactly the thing a person who is a threat would do, so you're going to set off a whole bunch of alarm bells by doing that. And that's not just valid for women - at least I would be kind of creeped out if some guy did some of the things some people have mentioned in this thread.

[–] Varesti@lemmy.zip 20 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Jesus Christ is an unusually high standard for a normal person to live up to.

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[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 85 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Just don't be weird man, that's all you gotta do.

[–] neidu3@sh.itjust.works 78 points 2 days ago (10 children)

"Just don't be weird" is exactly the kind of thought that'd cause me to come off as weird. Suddenly every detail of what I do is manual and scrutinized by myself.

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[–] CallMeAl@piefed.world 65 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Grandma used to say nothing breaks the ice like breaking wind so give a friendly toot as you pass.

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[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 35 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Cross the street because what if she tries talking to me? It's night, I already did all my talking for the week I wanna be introverted alone.

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[–] LostCarcosan@lemmy.today 28 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What kind of question is this? You just act like a normal person and keep walking. Maybe step politely to the side to avoid crashing right into them

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[–] NathanUp@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Pull your shirt over your head so that it covers your face and prostrate yourself.

[–] CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Hi, I've just recently seen a post in which everyone was mixing up the spellings of prostrate & prostate.

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[–] Hello_there@fedia.io 42 points 2 days ago (9 children)

According to Brent Staples' essay from a few decades ago, about how to not be seen as threatening as a black man in the US: "And on late-evening constitutionals I employ what has proved to be an excellent tension-reducing measure: I whistle melodies from Beethoven and Vivaldi and the more popular classical composers. Even steely New Yorkers hunching toward nighttime destinations seem to relax, and occasionally they even join in the tune. Virtually everybody seems to sense that a mugger wouldn’t be warbling bright, sunny selections from Vivaldi's Four Seasons. It is my equivalent of the cowbell that hikers wear when they know they are in bear country."

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[–] jaemo@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 days ago

Shoot webbing at the closest streetlight, use it to swing to the to of the building across the street. The Rhino is trying to rob the bank again, stand back citizen!

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 39 points 2 days ago

Play dead, women are like bears.

[–] joe@lemmy.world 35 points 2 days ago (4 children)

If I understand the TikTok trend from a little while back, the solution is to pretend to be a bear.

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No no no, all of these suggestions are wrong, some of them get close, but they don’t paint the whole picture.

Start off by just walking calmly, and then once she’s in your hearing range, give her a nod. Now, start snarling and quickly drop to all 4s as you gallop forwards and eventually past her. This is a sure fire sign to make sure that she knows she’s in good hands

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