this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2026
856 points (99.2% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

41604 readers
3972 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] cloudshouter@lemmy.zip 4 points 19 hours ago

They are going to drive the “meet cute” genera until the wheels come off.

[–] Microtonal_Banana@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] chunes@lemmy.world 6 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I am amazed this is actually real

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 1 points 19 hours ago

What are the odds. Pretty cool.

[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

this summer

"Are you ok?"

love is a story

"Were you even paying attention?!!"

of two souls

"It was brand new ffs!!"

colliding on their journey

"Oh just great, how the hell do I explain this to the insurance company? Let alone my parents!"

to their destinations

"EYES ON THE ROAD OR UP HERE ASSHOLE!!"

get ready for

My summer crash

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 2 points 18 hours ago

Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt

[–] whereitsat@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

that's what 'i love boosters' should have been about. it should have been an homage to 'you've got mail' and 'shop around the corner.'

the plot would center on two individuals who boost kias. in real life they're rivals because they often try and target the same car, but on social media they constantly agree with each other and upvote each others posts.

they could form a union before they even realize this fact and it's figured out when they both snoop on each others phone and check their socials.

there's so much room in this plot for parody, satire and social commentary.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 8 points 1 day ago

[off topic]

https://bookshop.org/p/books/crooks-a-novel-about-crime-and-family-lou-berney/9adeae44e41a81b9?ean=9780063445574&bkshp-astro=t

Crooks, a Novel About Crime And Family.

A minor Mafioso sees a woman stealing out of her boss's cash register. They end up married with a flock of kids.

Fun novel with lots of crazy twists and turns. And a disco!

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)

🎵

He was a boy, she was a girl

Can I make it any more obvious?

He stole a van, she stole a car

They wouldn't get far

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 13 points 1 day ago

He drove to fast, she did as well

Now they’re both rotting in a cell

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 29 points 1 day ago

Porn Directors:

[–] hash@slrpnk.net 56 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Do they both flee the scene only to run headfirst into each other behind someone's barn?

[–] eurodyne@piefed.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Unknown, because they both had so much stolen meth in their cars, when they collided, they both exploded into a fireball that wiped out everything within a half a mile radius

Truly kismet

[–] UnrefinedChihuahua@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm not sure that's how meth works.

[–] eurodyne@piefed.world 11 points 1 day ago (5 children)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Did they confirm both cars were actually stolen, and not just that ALPRs had fucked up and reported the played wrong?

[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 1 points 18 hours ago

Well, the guy was leading the police on a chase, so it's probably true for that.

And she was intoxicated and they only investigated after the crash, so probably true there too.

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 27 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Oregon, where we lay our scene…

But soft, what grill through yonder windshield breaks?

It is a car, and Juliet's at the wheel.

[–] Generica@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You got your grand theft auto in my grand theft larceny!

No! You got your grand theft larceny in my grand theft auto!

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I've got a rule I always tell people. Never commit a misdemeanor when commiting a felony. (Doesn't have to be a misdimeanor but the point is, if you're driving a stolen car, don't run a red light)

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 7 points 1 day ago

Someone said 'drive it like you stole it' should mean going just under the speed limit and signaling all turns.

[–] teslekova@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago

Yeah. It's just common sense and good judgement. Which, strangely, is somewhat lacking in the majority of criminals who get caught.

[–] nieceandtows@programming.dev 8 points 1 day ago

Game recognizes game

[–] hopesdead@startrek.website 20 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Not a comedy, but David Cronenberg has a erotic thriller called Crash which is about people who get involved in car crashes.

No I haven’t seen it.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 2 points 1 day ago

It's worth watching.

[–] bashibazouk@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

I thought it much more interesting than the more famous "Crash" movie...

[–] Seimhe@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I remember when that came out. I never saw it either for some reason, even though I had rented almost everything else in that video shop.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Man, I wouldn't want to be the insurance agent on this one...

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

She looks too put together for this to be a mug shot.

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. That's why I always wear a spacesuit to the office.

[–] trainsrkool@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 day ago (3 children)

throw in some christmasy story and youll have Hallmark callin hehe

[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So in this movie she's a successful big city criminal but she's getting disillusioned with that and wants to move back home to a picturesque podunk town to be a small town criminal, maybe burgle a cute little antique shop in the town square, enter our eligible bachelor, the handsome, charismatic and eligible town axe murderer?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] bibbasa@piefed.social 5 points 1 day ago

a match made in heaven

[–] Skyrmir@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Isn't this the same state that had a naked knife wielding guy get in a fight with a naked knife wielding guy?

Nope wait, that was Seattle, my bad whole different state.

[–] RaoulDuke25@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 day ago

She can fix me

Oregano in 60 seconds

[–] CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today 5 points 1 day ago (3 children)

But they're both in separate prisons and never got to meet each other due to injuries & separate ambulances & police intervention. There's no romance here.

[–] lolrightythen@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What if their ambulances crash into each other?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 1 points 1 day ago

Prisoners can write letters. I don't know if you can make a legal phone call from one jail to another, but cell phones get smuggled in all the time.

[–] gergolippai@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 2 points 1 day ago

Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton [back when they were married]

load more comments
view more: next ›