Kooshhh!
Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !uspolitics@lemmy.world
7) No Hit-and-Run questions.
Please don't delete your post for no apparent reason. If you plan on deleting a question later, say so in the post, or if you feel that you have a good reason to remove it, message a mod beforehand. It's not fair to the ones who took their time to answer, and it's not in the spirit of the community.
8) No Bots.
Posts or comments from bots, LLM's, AIs, Neural Networks, Transformers, or Marvin the Paranoid Android are not welcome in AskLemmy. Real humans only please.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
I’m looking for the man that shot my paw.
Or the punchline may actually be, “oh it was a dog!”
You're a real mean drunk, Superman.
A STIIIIIICK!
Because the light was on.
You know, I like the way you tell it better
To get to the other side
You don’t understand. This was actually the first joke, so while it may not be funny to us, it was hilarious to the people who first heard it, and all other humor ultimately derived from this one joke
Maybe it got hit by a car and the "other side" is the afterlife
It's the cobblestones.
Orange you glad
Let Epsilon be so small that Epsilon/2 is already negative.
An Impasta
one hatched and already stole a bike.
“Grandma… so that’s how you died…”
So the pharmacist says, "I've got just the thing to stop that coffin!"
"Dopey fucked a penguin Dopey fucked a penguin!"
Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!
Im checking for squirrels!
Shut up and swim
So I thought to myself, is that how she died?
Fuck you, clown!
punches you in the face
...you asked for a punchline, don't be mad at me
I’ll take a slice of apple, then.
Because Nyquil stops the coffin'.
Heard this one as a "spooky ghost story" around the campfire at a summer camp when I was 11 and it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.
I got bad news, you are out of paint and that's not a porch, it's a Mercedes.
Awwww My tractor broke down.
It's not a bacon tree, it's a ham bush.
You poor dear! Don't you have a vase?
That's a good one (lemmy didnt like it when it got posted though haha)
The dog says, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
"He stands on a leaf and waits until Autumn." (Punchline to a joke I read in grade 3 from the 70's.)
Is an elephant involved? I think I know this one but had completely forgotten about it until I read this.
Yup. The joke spoiler..
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
It's such an incredibly lame joke that it's still burned into my brain nearly 5 decades later.
Worst? They both come/cum on little white crackers. Wurst! I asked him to send me a link.