this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
285 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

17400 readers
1376 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 34 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 52 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

For those saying Figure or it didn't happen, from the paper

[–] 0x01@lemmy.ml 54 points 2 weeks ago

Juma a freak

[–] grue@lemmy.world 37 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That's one chimp's kink, not a trend.

Also, I did not expect to write that sentence.

[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

A couple others tried, but it's Juma's thing

"Meanwhile, in the other group, a male named Juma was identified as the possible innovator of the daring new grass-in-butt variation, which spread to most of his group mates within a week, according to the study."

So apparently it wasn't just his kink. Most of them had a twig up their ass, lol

[–] dacvm@mander.xyz 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Seems like grass-in-rectum is not a hit

[–] dalekcaan@feddit.nl 6 points 2 weeks ago

It is with Juma

[–] floo@retrolemmy.com 2 points 2 weeks ago

Weird science

[–] djvinniev77@lemmy.ca 31 points 2 weeks ago

… which is the style at the time…”

[–] sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Not any weirder than attaching plastic hairs to your eyelids.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 9 points 2 weeks ago

Your brown-eye lid 😜

[–] Maiq@lemy.lol 25 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] sundray@lemmus.org 8 points 2 weeks ago

Oh shit. There goes the planet!

[–] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 weeks ago

We're legally banning chemtrails up in hurrr

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Grass in the butt!

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

First they use tools, now wheatgrass enemas.

What's next ? more gas burning cars on the road?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 1 points 2 weeks ago

a colon scrubber.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago

Always nice to hear what the cousins are up to these days

[–] Dudewitbow@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

chimps providing proof that tails and ear fluff is desireable, therefor kemonomimi is endgame looks

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 3 points 2 weeks ago

Ears and tails become couture, confirmed!

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 10 points 2 weeks ago

Juma, you wouldn't get it darling it's called fashion

[–] yeahiknow3@lemmings.world 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Shockingly similar to homo sapiens.

[–] TuffNutzes@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

So you're saying we're basically chimps.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 2 weeks ago

“Hey, did you see Coco? She had a whole fistful of grass in her ass. It was so hot!”

-Bobo the Chimp

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

why is it always butt stuff with chimps?

[–] Dolphinfreetuna@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

It's cash, ass or grass. Two out of three ain't bad.

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 5 points 2 weeks ago

A bit late to be an earphone cargo cult

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

I said what what!

[–] myster0n@feddit.nl 4 points 2 weeks ago

They might've learned that from me ... Sorry guys.

[–] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 weeks ago

Like Voyager II leaving the solar system, humans passed Idiocracy and kept going. At current velocity, is it possible this is a papyrus tabloid headline from 25 years in the future?

[–] AntiBullyRanger@ani.social 3 points 2 weeks ago

Can't deny my love for grass either!👍💋😋

[–] Bot@sub.community 2 points 2 weeks ago

Give Africa back to Chimps Movement is on the way

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

If chimps ever take over the world and have a space program they'll send grass to Uranus.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 1 points 2 weeks ago

This looks so rad. Anyone knows where I can buy a nice ear glass?