this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2026

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Do you think this makes my intentions for tonight clear enough? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 hours ago by serene_flac@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

7 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Decided to take the initiative with my crush. I asked him if he wanted to come over tonight so I could give him a massage and we could talk about us. He was very enthusiastic and said he wouldn’t miss it. Now I have to go buy massage oil after class because this was kind of a heat-of-the-moment idea…

Now, you might think I’m dumb or clueless, but I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life (from sophomore to senior year of high school), and he took the lead from the very beginning. So this whole approach is a first for me. Very excited for tonight.

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[–] Wfh@lemmy.zip 15 points 1 hour ago

As a middle aged man, the best advice I can give you is to state your intentions clearly and unambiguously, and ask it they're ok with it. Consent goes both ways and starts with explicit statements. Nothing fancy or legalese, start with "I would really like to kiss you right now", and go from there. No "vibe of the moment" bullshit. Yes, it's maybe less traditionally romantic. But yes, it'll lead to a much healthier relationship.

There's a thought terminating cliche that boys are dumb and don't get hints. The truth is most if us wouldn't dare do anything remotely inappropriate based solely upon the assumption that hints were dropped. Hints are by definition subtle and easy to miss and/or misinterpret. Some of us are bold enough to take the plunge and ask if the attraction is mutual. Those who initiate sexual contact based solely on this assumption are rapists.

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 1 points 10 minutes ago

Seems crystal to me.

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

He is probably like 99% sure you are into him but might still be scared to risk your relationship over this 1% chance of you just being nice. If he doesnt initiate anything after that just tell him you also want a massage and be proactive from that point on...

Always use this video as a baseline for how stupid guys are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 1 points 24 minutes ago

Unless he's actually mentally challenged, he knows what's up after such an invitation. If he's still casual and aloof, take it as rejection and move on, he may just not have the courage to say it. Good luck! 🫶

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 2 points 44 minutes ago

Remember, guys can be dumb or scared of being creepy, so don't be afraid to take the lead a bit, be obvious, but not to the point of ruining the mystery and vibe of course lol

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 1 points 32 minutes ago* (last edited 31 minutes ago)

Yeah sounds like you're both on the same page. Good on you for taking the initiative

[–] LeftReddit2@lemmy.world 10 points 2 hours ago

I'm gonna be so for real as a guy who never had a girlfriend until he was like 20, you can write everything off as just 'them being friendly' to the bitter end. It isn't a case of being oblivious, but just because until I hear it, I think everyone is just putting up with me because my ego is so bruised.

I get it now being older, fatter, and gayer now, but it can be hard to believe people can just like me.

Is he like that? I dunno because I'm not him, but you might have to just be straightforward with him. State your intentions clearly with him and let him know what you want. That's the safest bet...

...except it isn't lol. A ton of people were that with me and guess what? My wounded ego told me they were just putting up with me too. We live in a society.

I hope I made some kind of sense to you. I tend to ramble even in text.